The Twelve Days of Lovemas| Day 7 Easily Angered

Let me just start the Seventh Day of Lovemas by saying that I think I might be the chief of sinners when it comes to this aspect of love. I find that this is one of the most difficult areas in my life to stay obedient to God. Are you ready for it? Okay, here it is: love is not easily angered. Let me just be the first to inwardly sigh. Did you guys sigh too? Okay, good. I'm glad that I am in good company.

Here we go, "love is not easily angered". Are you kidding me Paul? Oh wait, I just thought of something. This doesn't apply to us. Yah,'cause you see, it can't! Paul lived in an age befor cars and rush hour. If he had written the letter to the church in Corinth in this day and age, he would have never put that in there!

And don't even get me started on computers! If Paul had had to deal with slow internet connections, he wouldn't have dreamed of asking us to not get easily angered! Not a chance. It would have said, love holds back angry words, or love does not give in to road rage. But that's not what it says.

God knew the frustrations that we would face in our day to day. He could see from that moment in time to here and back, and still that part of the verse is in there. And this wasn't written from a cushy sheltered Christian standpoint either. Paul faced wrongful imprisonment, and even physical beatings. If anyone had a cause to be angry, it was the author of the verse. But yet it still says, "love is not easily angered".

So how does one assuage the tempest we face every day? It seems sometimes that there is just unending stream of idiots coming across my path, honestly. I mean really, there is practically an endless list of things that tip me over the edge. Which leads me to believe that, when trying to line up our hearts with this seemingly unobtainable holy love, the first step is to find the root of the anger rather than trying to just hold our breath and wish away our feelings.

So let's take a real look at this odd emotion. We never desire the catalysts-traffic jams, nosey neighbors, false rumors. No one goes out of the house saying, "I really hope I am chewed out by a customer today!" But we seem incredibly quick to turn on that faucet of rage, even spewing profanities and declaring people to be anything but worthy of humanity. Why is that? Well I can say that for myself, anger can be a lot like a drug. One can get dunk off of angrily gossiping about someone who has wronged them. I'll even find myself sometimes imagining fights that have never happened with people in my head! It's as if I enjoy the feeling. That's because I think we do.

Often, the root of our anger is insecurity. We are desperately fighting to not be forgotten or stepped on, or treated as less than. This self doubt causes us to live in a constant combative mode, and ultimately, we become very angry people. We read into situations, assuming that we are being put down, when really people are just going about their day. The reality of situations is lost, and our default setting becomes being thin skinned. 

Think of it this way. Why do we sometimes get mad about someone passing us on the road? Are we really mad that they are driving in that lane, or is it because we are thinking of it in terms of how they are viewing us? In reality, the driver is just going about their day. They aren't making a statement about how fast or slow we are going, they could probably care less about us personally. But we take it as a belligerent message about our shortcomings. It's not about them. It's about us. Our self doubt has tricked us into believing that we are being insulted, and our toxic response is anger. When you're in the moment, their insolence feels very real. But after we have calmed down it's usually clear how foolish the whole thing was.

Everyone deals with self esteem. Some have a better handle on it than others, but the real way to feel better about yourself is not to go on a diet or pick up a new hobby. God must be our source, and he has some pretty great things to say about us! Dont forget that no mater what people at work, on the road, or in your home think about you, God loves you and thinks you're incredibly special. According to him, we ARE good enough. God is the only constant that we can depend on. If we wish to live more confident lives, it won't come in a pill. It will come when we lean into the lovingkindness of our Father.

Another root that will have us on the fast track to anger is unforgiveness. There will be people in our lives that act very inconsiderately towards us. We will be counted out, pushed down, and made to feel like we are not enough. It is wrong for them to do that, any way you slice it. It is not okay. But when we decide to keep our forgiveness locked up, we open ourselves up to a life devoid of peace and consumed by anger. Holding on to forgiveness is like dangerously spewing gasoline on our blazing fire of anger. It crushes our capacity to love and eventually, it's slimy fingers reach into every part of our life.

Forgiving someone who was dead wrong is no walk in the park, though. I don't wish to minimize the difficulty that faces someone that decides it is time to let go of anger. It takes a lot of prayer, and leaning into God. The journey to forgiveness is a daily battle. We must continually choose to not pick back up the intoxicating emotion of holding a grudge. And ultimately, we have to place our trust and our heart into the hands of the Healer, and let him do his work.

The last of the possible roots for love consuming anger is fear. The first time that I heard it said that animals act aggressive when spooked, I thought that made no sense. As a young girl, as I knew it, when I was afraid, I acted timid, not aggressive. But as I have grown older, it has become much clearer to me. Sometimes when we are afraid, we tense up and lash out. We fight the urge to give in to timidly being terrified and vulnerable, throw up our defenses, and act out against those around us. The anger is not because of them, but because of the fear we harbor inside.

The only fix for that, again, is God. Fear is crippling. It can cause is not to step out in faith, and it can crush our ability to love. But God's perfect love cast's out fear. When we ask him, he is faithful and powerful to help us walk in peace.

Anger, in most of it's forms affirms our fears and need for justice. It tells us that we're right and to hold our ground against our brother. As humans, we are going to wrong each other. We are going to wrong each other again and again. But the sooner that we are real with ourselves about where this anger is coming from, the sooner that we can allow God's love to pour out rather than fear, insecurity and unforgiveness. 

Now you will notice that it says that love is not easily angered. It doesn't say that love never gets angry. Anger is not a sin. Even Jesus was angry, but he never sinned. So Paul is trying to urge us to have a longer fuse; to be gracious and loving with each other. We must connect with God on a daily basis to learn to walk through lives less irritably. Anger is a massively difficult emotion to navigate, but by leaning into God for help and guidance, we can grow not in anger but in love.