"Christmas #27" by Kevin Dooley/ CCed by
Prepare yourselves! Today I decided to deviate off of the normal path I have taken this Lovemas. Our verse snippet today is, "love is not rude". I was feeling a little silly (and possibly somewhat serious about this whole loving on Christmas discussion), and I may have gone a little overboard. Whatever the case, I present to you, my Rude Christmas Poem:
Rude Christmas Poem
People.
People.
People people people!
It’s Christmas,
and everywhere there are people!
My normal activities,
Quiet and serene,
Now include interactions.
Life’s less than pristine.
The cat lady in me cries out for solitude.
Her claws are sharpened
Pointed straight at the multitude.
I was here first.
Everyone else should go home!
I repeat-
Pack up, and get yourself home!
Don’t dare cross me,
Or talk to me in any way.
You’ll cater to me,
If you wish to stay.
This world is mine
Not yours
Not ours.
My rude attitude has set in
Much like how milk sours.
But why shouldn’t it, of course?
I am the queen!
When one is so great,
They get to be mean.
But all joke’s aside,
Have you seen some of these folks?
Their diving’s so bad,
This must be a hoax!
I’m having a bad dream
This is the Truman Show!
What are you doing in that lane?!
Going fast, going slow?
My shopping is bombarded
With a thousand soccer moms.
Each with their screaming Suzies
And fit throwing Toms.
Why can’t you handle your kids?!
Weren’t you raised right?
If I were in your situation,
Things would be run much more tight!
My anger is rising
But we can’t stop now.
It’s the time of day
When we stop for some chow!
Now what have we here?
My order is all wrong.
You’ve mixed me up
With someone else in this throng.
And after all of this
was said and done
I looked at my water, and-surprise!
I looked and found none.
This is wearing me thin.
I wish all these people would go away!
If they weren’t here
I could go about my day.
I’m busy living for Jesus!
It’s his birthday, you know.
You’re making it so hard
For me to spiritually grow.
If you would all stop existing,
That would be great!
I’m sure we don’t want to overcrowd
Heaven’s pearly gates.
So this December
My gift to you all
Is for you to quietly remember
The depth of your fall.
With driving that bad,
Kids screaming, and food service so late
I’m sure you can see
That my words are not hate.
Tough love is indeed,
As it says,
Nice and tough.
I really mean well,
Even though it sounds rough.
So take my gift of judgment
And be on your way.
This is after all,
My Savior’s day.
Wouldn’t want you to taint Christmas
With your messy needs.
Medicine for Suzie’s ear infection,
A father to be there
for a family of three.
You say that you won’t
Be able to make rent?
My food is still cold.
And your excuses aren’t worth a cent!
Because I’ve got it together
I don’t know why you do not.
I think it’s your fault
You aren’t doing so hot.
Whatever the case,
Keep a distance from me,
So I can celebrate my salvation
Alone in quiet jubilee.
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