Yes our community was now back in full swing, and it had its various tolls on each one of us. School goers had to begrudgingly interrupt their daily hibernation. Mom's and Dad's alike now had choir, band, and football practice to take their children too. And the rest of us got to complain about the absurdity of sharing the road with more people than we were use to. We all were rushing to adjust.
When I adjust to things, school, a new job, moving out, getting married, I find that it is almost unavoidable that I drop certain things. They could be activities that I once found important, like keeping up with my blog. They could be things that I use to do to wind down like spending time just browsing the internet. They could even not be things but people. Not that I didn't enjoy our time together, but when we get busy, we do what we can to survive. That means we inadvertently spend some time away from friends and/or acquaintances out of pure lack of time or the inability to figure out how to adapt.
We only have so much time and energy, so this removal of the unimportant is almost unavoidable when the little stamina we have is consumed. More things come on our plate that are often mandatory, and somethings go to the back burner. Some things even go to the trash, never to be picked back up again, but the trick isn't to drop everything. The trick isn't even to try to become superwoman and keep everything on your plate. No, the real way to survive any big change is to know what is most important and too not under any circumstances let go of whatever that happens to be.
When I was very little, my mom had me bring all of my most precious things to the kitchen and place them on a dining room chair. I went back to my room toy box, and selected only the finest things any person could aspire to own: a purple teddy bear and a white horse with rainbow hair. There was more than enough room for my treasures! I can still see my perspective of it to this day in my minds eye. This green, wooden chair was taller than my five or six year old self. It was almost a table to me at that age. With all of my treasures on the chair, I felt completely pleased with myself! The sight of my favorite toys sitting in that chair was validation to me that they did indeed deserve such majesty. But then my Mom came in with the punch.
"Candace, can God sit on this chair?" My mom wasn't being stern. Her voice was soft and caring. She was honestly asking me to step out into the realm of deeper thinking. My mom placed a lot of faith in my five year old self to be able to learn such a deep truth.
Can God sit on my chair? Well I guess. I mean He would have to scoot the horse to one side and put the bear in His lap, but yah, it could be done. My mind, ever the literal machine even at five, came up with the answer that, yes, God could probably share the chair with my toys. But my mother was not satisfied.
"No, Candace. God needs to sit on the throne ALONE. There isn't room for both your favorite things AND God." She drove her point home by trying to sit her adult self down in the chair with my things, which obviously was not going to happen in that one adult sized green chair.
I learned that day from a seemingly simple illustration aimed toward an audience that most would expect to not be able to understand. Her sweet way of calling me higher allowed me to grow in a way that would reach over my entire life. I never forgot that moment, and I never will. When God does bring it to my mind every now and then, I find that there are multiple takeaways that can apply to every time in a person's life.
1) That which is on your chair IS ruling you.
My mom asked me to put the most important things that I had into a chair. I know I was a kid back then. I don't have the horse anymore, and I think the bear is in storage, but what if we did that today. Who or what would be on our throne? Having trouble relating to the throne bit? Yah, I guess we are a little ways outside of the monarchy days. Think of it this way. What do you spend your time on? What do you spend your money on? Your energy? Just think about it for a little bit. Do you like what is coming to mind? Are you spending your time, money, and energy on things that you believe in? On things that will take you in the direction that you ultimately want your life to go in? Those things are ruling your life. Those things are what you've placed on your green wooden chair.
2) When we live without intention, the things we bring to our chair become things that will propel us in a direction we don't want to go.
Remember what I had in my chair? A horse and a bear. It makes sense because I was a five or six year old. At that age, play time is the best part of the day. Your life is centered around your own well being and happiness just because you're still trying to figure it all out at that age. But are we sill doing that?
I have responsibilities now. I'm married, and I have a full-time job. If I don't get up in the morning, I might get fired. If I don't clean, my husband and I get to live in dust and dirt city. I literally don't have the option of living as I once did anymore. But sometimes, I still want to just live for me.
It isn't a conscious thought. I don't have this throne analogy in the forefront of my mind at all times. If I am not careful and living with intention, the things that I live for with my time and energy start to become meaningless. I get comfortable because of my lack of vision, and loose the momentum that I had when God was King of my throne.
Sometimes, out of my own broken selfishness, I go to my room once again and I get the urge to put friends in my chair. Or sometimes, I want to put time on the internet on my chair. I even have tried to put my need for personal justice on my chair. But none of those things will ultimately bring glory to God if they are given the top spot. Neither will they bring peace or fulfillment. While those things have their place, they should always be lower on the priority list than God. If not, we will find ourselves unintentionally going in a direction that is contrary to what we believe in. We stop going forward because the horses and bears of our life are out of the stable and on the throne.
3) There is only room for God if you choose God.
Perhaps the greatest point that my mother made through that whole illustration was that there was not room for God. When she said it, though, I tried to rationalize. I like my toys, I thought. Surely I can keep them in the chair AND have Jesus sit in it too! But Mom would not budge on this one.
"See, Candace? No room for God to sit down. Nope. He'll have to sit on your horse! Do you want God to have to sit on your things?"
Many times in life, I have found myself going through the same thoughts. But I like my sleep! I'm sure God won't mind if I sleep in and only give Him 25 or 30 minutes of my day! Or, but I really need to get this done. God can wait. And even, I know that I wouldn't normally say that in earshot of my grandma, but it sounds so funny that way! This group of people won't think anything about it anyway. I could go on and on.
But that's not how it works. The moment that we say yes to God, we are inevitably saying no to other things. We are saying, "I am going to devote my time and energy to you. You can take the seat. I might not be doing something traditionally done for you, like church or a mission trip, but whatever I am doing, I will now follow you. I will listen to you; hear your words, and do my best to follow through with your will for me."
I don't claim perfection, or even anything in that ballpark. Jesus is my righteousness, and nothing that I could ever do adds anything to that. But the Holy Spirit does guide me. And when He calls me higher much like my mother did (and still does), I have the option of either keeping Him on the throne, or essentially booty-bumping Him out of the green chair and onto the kitchen floor. The Holy Spirit is gracious, kind, and patient. He will never force you to let Him have the throne. He is not that type of king. So when we consciously or unconsciously start putting other things or people ahead of Him, He lets us. The cost, our peace, purpose, and joy, are often not noticed until later on down the road after spending so much time without Him that we are able to reap enough of the bad to grab our attention. But we can ALWAYS come back. You can NEVER be too far gone. And all you have to do is simply be real. Say it in your own words to Him. Let Him know what is on your heart. He can take it, I promise you!
"Hey, God. It's been a while. I know I claim to be a Christian and follow you, but lately, I haven't been acting like it at all. I use to. You use to be number one. What happened?
I don't even know where to begin, really. I mean, it has been very busy- I've been really busy. Life just gets going, and all of the sudden, you have more important things in the day then you have hours. I'm sorry. I opted out. I didn't mean too! That's not how I feel about you. But I have been... Lazy? Unintentional? Uninterested? Uncaring? Self-centered? I don't know.
But I do know WITHOUT A DOUBT IN MY MIND that YOU STILL LOVE ME! I never forgot that, even though I kind of shoved it to the back of my closet. You never stopped. I know that truth, because you are still within me. Knocking every day. Patiently waiting for me to let You back to me. Waiting for me to let You love me again.
It's been far too much. It's messy- I'm messy again. I can't do this anymore. I mean, to be honest, I'm lower than I've ever been. This mask is too heavy for me to keep putting on anymore. Please, please forgive me. Come back into my life. It's shambles. You'll need to wear Your boots- there's broken glass everywhere! But I know deep deep down that the love radiating within me is real, and it is BIGGER than ANY slip up, mess up, or flat out failure that I have caused. I NEED you. I never stopped needing you, but now I know that I do. It's in my face how broken I am. And I know for sure that there is hope for me.
I can see me in a few weeks- me after I start connecting with you again, and the peace is palpable. There's happiness there, there's purpose. And I will be with You. You're love consumes me, and I am whole again. I say yes. I say YES! I want to be with you forever, again. I wonder why I ever left Your abundance, and love, and gentleness for this trough of slop. I choose you.
Change me, Lord. I don't have the strength to, I never did. You do the heavy lifting. I know you are able to do what I never could. You can free me of all that has unceasingly haunted me since as far back as I remember. I'm done with it. I shift my gaze off of myself and onto you. Heal me father. I only want to be with you. I know you hear my honesty. I know you see everything. There's nothing you don't know. I love you. But I know that so much more- SO MUCH MORE is Your love for me. Sit back in your chair, Father, and I'll stir back down at your feet. I'm done with the struggle. I'm done with the pain.
I say yes.
I say yes."
I don't claim perfection, or even anything in that ballpark. Jesus is my righteousness, and nothing that I could ever do adds anything to that. But the Holy Spirit does guide me. And when He calls me higher much like my mother did (and still does), I have the option of either keeping Him on the throne, or essentially booty-bumping Him out of the green chair and onto the kitchen floor. The Holy Spirit is gracious, kind, and patient. He will never force you to let Him have the throne. He is not that type of king. So when we consciously or unconsciously start putting other things or people ahead of Him, He lets us. The cost, our peace, purpose, and joy, are often not noticed until later on down the road after spending so much time without Him that we are able to reap enough of the bad to grab our attention. But we can ALWAYS come back. You can NEVER be too far gone. And all you have to do is simply be real. Say it in your own words to Him. Let Him know what is on your heart. He can take it, I promise you!
"Hey, God. It's been a while. I know I claim to be a Christian and follow you, but lately, I haven't been acting like it at all. I use to. You use to be number one. What happened?
I don't even know where to begin, really. I mean, it has been very busy- I've been really busy. Life just gets going, and all of the sudden, you have more important things in the day then you have hours. I'm sorry. I opted out. I didn't mean too! That's not how I feel about you. But I have been... Lazy? Unintentional? Uninterested? Uncaring? Self-centered? I don't know.
But I do know WITHOUT A DOUBT IN MY MIND that YOU STILL LOVE ME! I never forgot that, even though I kind of shoved it to the back of my closet. You never stopped. I know that truth, because you are still within me. Knocking every day. Patiently waiting for me to let You back to me. Waiting for me to let You love me again.
It's been far too much. It's messy- I'm messy again. I can't do this anymore. I mean, to be honest, I'm lower than I've ever been. This mask is too heavy for me to keep putting on anymore. Please, please forgive me. Come back into my life. It's shambles. You'll need to wear Your boots- there's broken glass everywhere! But I know deep deep down that the love radiating within me is real, and it is BIGGER than ANY slip up, mess up, or flat out failure that I have caused. I NEED you. I never stopped needing you, but now I know that I do. It's in my face how broken I am. And I know for sure that there is hope for me.
I can see me in a few weeks- me after I start connecting with you again, and the peace is palpable. There's happiness there, there's purpose. And I will be with You. You're love consumes me, and I am whole again. I say yes. I say YES! I want to be with you forever, again. I wonder why I ever left Your abundance, and love, and gentleness for this trough of slop. I choose you.
Change me, Lord. I don't have the strength to, I never did. You do the heavy lifting. I know you are able to do what I never could. You can free me of all that has unceasingly haunted me since as far back as I remember. I'm done with it. I shift my gaze off of myself and onto you. Heal me father. I only want to be with you. I know you hear my honesty. I know you see everything. There's nothing you don't know. I love you. But I know that so much more- SO MUCH MORE is Your love for me. Sit back in your chair, Father, and I'll stir back down at your feet. I'm done with the struggle. I'm done with the pain.
I say yes.
I say yes."
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