I have been this way practically sense I can remember. It has kept me from joining teams or clubs as a kid growing up. It has made waste copious amounts of time trying to make a project worthy of viewing. In short, because of my self criticism, I have said no to being myself. What's the point of even trying if you aren't going to be shining and amazing right off the bat, right?
Wrong. So wrong. But this was the thought that Satan had constantly recycling through my mind. I was afraid to try because I didn't quite know how to do it. I was afraid to ask for help for fear of people knowing that I wasn't up to speed yet! It was like my mind was a cul-de-sac where ideas would to be trapped in the comfortable neighborhood of not trying for fear of not measuring up. There is guaranteed safety, but nothing interesting ever develops either. But that wasn't God's plan for me, and one summer, my warped reality was straightened out a bit.
In the summer of the sixth or seventh grade, I went to Camp Eagle with my youth group. Camp Eagle was any middle schoolers dream. It had a blob, it had zip lines, there were hiking trails, and a cliff you could rappel down. It was a blast. One evening, as youth groups do, we had an activity that was seemingly pointless but had a lesson. What they did was blindfold us and lead us to what they informed us was a rope maze. If we were to hold onto the rope, strung between some trees, and keep walking with it, there was suppose to be the end of said maze to be found. What our little group didn't know was that this wasn't maze, and there was no end to the rope. It was just one rope that went in a loop. What they told us before we began, though, was that we could ask for help at any time.
So we all started walking around trying to find a nonexistent end, and eventually, people began to ask for help. Not me, of course; I could never put myself out there like that! I was determined to find the end of this maze! Slowly but surely, everyone else began to disappear. What I couldn't see, though, was that they were just sitting in front of me waiting for me to ask for help so that we could finish what was quickly becoming the most boring part of their summer. But I could hear that they weren't walking around the "maze" any more, so made the assumption that they all had found the end of the maze before me. After a few minutes, I was the only kid left trying to conquer this impossible maze. One of the camp counselors had to stop me because I was just not going to ask for help, and I was literally the last kid there. Not even by just a few seconds either, I was out there by myself walking around this endless rope for at least three minutes!
Have I mentioned how much I dislike activities that are designed to make you fail lately? It's probably rooted in this interaction right here. When I took my blindfold off to see that I had been walking in circles, I was mortified. Especially because all I had to do was ask for help! Such a simple solution that I forwent for no reason other than I was afraid to need help! Seeing our group sitting down waiting for me to come to my senses is a much more vivid memory than the blob, or the zip lining, or any other summertime entertainment that Camp Eagle had to offer. I learned that day, through mortification, that it is okay to need help. Asking for a hand is sometimes your best option. And it is okay to not be perfect.
Sometimes I am still sixth grade Candace. I think of something I might wasn't to do or try, and a small voice inside of me tries to tell me that I will not be perfect therefore I shouldn't try it at all. Well, the voice is right. I will not be perfect at it. But that's not the point of the gifts God gave us. He didn't give me a passion for creativity so that I would completely master painting. He put my talents in me so that I would bring Him glory.
And I don't think it tarnishes the name of Christ to not be the best either. He doesn't look down at us trying and say, "Man I wish you weren't so imperfect at that. It's really hard for my godly eyes to stand to see that. Ugh, please stop." No. He is eager to see us operating in the areas that we are gifted in. It brings Him much joy when he sees us doing what we were made to do!
And in the same token, sometimes, we will need a little help. There isn't a person alive that can say they didn't once need help. If they do, then I have one word for them. Infancy. Boom. But really, we were never made to operate outside of each other. And there is no need to be embarrassed to ask for a hand. To be humble enough to ask for help is a major strength, not a weakness, and that's something I learned the hard way. Don't be a sixth grade Candace. Don't miss out. Skip the monotony of holding yourself back from God's best for you. Dare to be simply okay, dare to need help. All you need to do is try.
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