My Summer

It is now officially fall! The summer is over, and even though the weather still has not lined up exactly with the supposed season change, many are glad to be rid summer 2015. I am one of them.

During this past summer season, my posting on my blog came to a screeching halt. And while I would love to say that this was all due to being busy, I really can't use that excuse. I had the time. I could have been writing. It was just a difficult summer for me.

The changes and stresses of various trials left me rung out like a damp towel. I found it very difficult to blog. Nothing felt quite right. The upheaval of my summer 2015 was a challenge that I am not sure I was completely prepared for. As a result, I was left with unanswered and unattended emotions which then snowballed into months of writers block. My blog, which had once felt like an opportunity for me to make a difference, soon felt more like a reflection of my failures. I started becoming more and more concerned that I had somehow earned the trials that Teagan and I had been walking through.

So what is it that happened? Well the first bomb was dropped by our past landlord. My husband and I had been renting a house under a lease, and the time for the lease to expire was coming. Our then landlord mailed us a form to renew our lease explaining that our rent was going to spike. Given the fact that Teagan and I were already considering trying to find another place to live with a larger yard, this was a fairly good opportunity to go ahead and look. Teagan and I start the search, we find a place, and we submit our application for the house. Oh yah, and the house would not available for another three months. So we had plenty of time to give our landlord notice in order to find new tenants. No problem, right?

This is when things get a little shaky. Our then landlord, upon receiving an email from our future landlord asking landlord-y questions about us as tenants, decided to send us a little letter. He was kicking us out. We received a months notice that we were to move out. What.

We were in shock. If this was what our landlord was going to do if we looked for a house and decided to not sign another lease, what would he have done if we were to tell him we were going to start looking without having found anything yet? None the less, no amount of unfairness would save us from this bump in the road. We packed our things and said goodbye to our first place together.

Remember when I said that the place that we found wasn't going to be available for another three months? Yah, we were practically homeless. At least we would have been, had it not been for our family, Tegan's Dad and stepmom, Gim and Tonya, taking us in. And while this was completely lovely, and we were very thankful to them, we quickly found that the stress was not yet over. Pro tip: if you can help it, don't move in with your in-laws mere months after getting a new puppy. I'll just let that one sink in.

Like I said, we were very thankful! We still are. But having your privacy stripped away from you so suddenly can begin to feel like a regression in life that you'll never get out of. Pretty soon, the place you use to call home is no longer home, it is a level of existence marked by feeling permanently out of control.

Let me put it this way, let's see a show of hands of all of the married people who are interested having roommates. No one? Not a one?

You get my point.

During this time, though, I was not only dealing with loosing my house and sense of stability, but I was also dealing with a new person at work. Maybe things would have gone differently if I had not already been under some stress, but who's to say? What I do know is that I was suppose to train a new person at work. I was given the task of making sure that the newbie knew how to do my morning tasks, just in case I happened to be gone. Then why all the hubbub, you ask? I will explain.

This employee happened to be an older employee. They would now be the oldest employee in our group at work. The employee had left another job in the same field and was now with us. This employee was accustomed to being a manager over people my age and up. Oh boy.

This employee was a terrible listener. They not only did not comprehend or remember when I would explain how to do something or why things are done in a certain way, they would interrupt. They would interrupt.

So I was set out to make sure that this person was able to perform the tasks properly. It was my job to do this, so in my mind, I was suppose to do what it took to correctly train this person and equip them with the correct skills needed in order to complete time sensitive and fairly detailed tasks. But they had listen skills problems, and they did not like to listen to me in particular because I am young. Do you see my problem?

Oh, but we're not done yet! Here comes the fatal flaw. The employee who sat right in front of the area in which I trained the newbie would take offense to me explaining things multiple times, and eventually expressing what I would describe to be minor exasperation. I say minor, because in reality, I was pulling my hair out on the inside. But all this time, I truly wanted to do the right thing. I wanted to express patience, and I believe I did. But for some reason, any time at all that I would correct or redirect the new employee, the other employee would interrupt our conversation in order to stop what I was doing. And they did so in such a way as to put me down, as if training an employee should somehow not include any redirection or criticism in any way.

This lasted for what weeks. The entire time, I feel trapped between a rock and a hard place. I needed to train the new employee, but I was being made to feel like dirt any time I gave redirection or correction. But in the end, I think that I did enough to make sure that I did my job. The new employee was trained. Regardless of how painful it was, they gained the knowledge needed to correctly complete the tasks given to them.

That's not to say that others haven't had the same problem with this new person. People have even requested that the new employee be transferred to a different department because of their inability to learn. Instead of showing the newbie patience, they take the easy rout and neglect properly administering the training. They weren't as patient as I was. I hear people constantly telling the new person that they have done something wrong.

In the end, I hope that the new person gets fully adjusted. I desire for them to be successful. If I would not have desired their ultimate success, I would have avoided ever telling them that they were wrong, and let them fail constantly. But I did not, and the one thing the newbie is okay at doing is what I taught them.

But even though I was able to teach the employee eventually, this situation still had a big impact on me. In the light of already being under stress, this came at me like a punch to the gut. It hit me hard, and I started doubting myself even more than I had before. I doubted my ability to express kindness, and I doubted my true intentions. And I did not exactly know what to do in order to get through those thoughts and doubts. So the creative block that had snowballed from unanswered and unattended questions snowballed even more from simple writers block into self doubt. And I just didn't know what to do about it.

Then, towards the end of what had shaped up to be a fairly ruthless summer, I was in a wreck. Nothing serious, we both walked away, but our cars did not. I stood dumbfounded as I tried to slow my racing heart, reasoning with it that everything was okay, and we would be alright. This, of course did nothing, because my body is incredibly illogical, and does not care to listen to my Spock voice.

Teagan and I had been in our new house for a little while, and I thought that regaining our privacy would be all that I needed to also regain creativity and get back to blogging. As I wiped what I like to call a "freaked-out-tear" (I wasn't really sad or frightened,  I was just trying to cope, which for me means tears), I realized that maybe that was not the case.

The things that I experienced this summer may seem fairly trivial to many, but rest assured, in order protect relationships and identities, there were several parts that I just had to leave out. This past summer involved working through several situations in which I simply had to take the injustices and move on. Either because it would have been inappropriate, or because I simply had no idea how to go about it, I never got to speak out on behalf of myself.

Sometimes we will have those moments in life- moments that are simply unjust. I hope we can all learn to make light of situations like that. But while I was walking through these various trials, I found that actually counting them all joy was very difficult for me. I know in my heart that joy is possible at any time. I believe that the Word of God is true. That is why I have come out the others side. But I could not have done it other than the grace of God carrying me the entire way.

If you're going through a time like I had, a season that feels endless and crushing, know this: God is near to the broken hearted. God will not leave you in your time of turmoil. We will face trials, the Bible makes this clear, but they are not the end. If you feel as I did, powerless and void of any energy to fight, rest in God. His burden is light. Tell Him what is going on and let His peace wash over you. God is faithful, and He is always there.

If you're experiencing a change in thought patterns because of how unjust your world feels right now, speak out. Who we are is completely dependent on God, not the situations around us. But that is not what society tells us. That is not even what man's logic might tell us. I know first hand how easy it is to believe the thoughts that pop into our minds degrading our very being. But they are not true. Any thought or idea that does not line up with all that God says we are (righteous, redeemed) is a lie form hell.

In that case, let the community of people that God has placed around you lift you up with prayers and support. Do not try to weather the storm alone. God never meant for us to strive to be independent super-Christians. Island-Christianity is also a dangerous lie from hell meant to separate us from the love and support that God has placed within arms reach. You're not weak or less than everyone else because you can't do it on your own. You are exactly like everyone else. You are who God intended you to be-part of a community.

 One of the things that kept me going was being able to receive comfort from family and friends. Speak out. I cannot emphasize this enough. Speak out, and do it soon, because lies spiral out of control so quickly. God will place people in your path that will give you the handhold you need to come out of the muck. Allow your healing to begin, and tell a trusted friend.

Maybe you're not really going through anything major right now. If that is you, do your best to always take the trials of others seriously. Be a soft place to land for those who need you. Listen without interruption. Then after hearing all that they have to say, sometimes a simple, "I'm so sorry that you're going though that", accompanied with a hug is all they need to be able to make it through. Comfort and affirmation can be healing and empowering. Avoid fixing. God can fix. Simply be a soft place to land.

I am proof that you can make it to the other side. I am proof that you don't have to stay sad, and you don't have to live with thoughts telling you that you're garbage. Look in the tomb, our Savior is no longer there. He has risen, and we with Him. Plug into community. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. God is not done with you yet. He has good things for you.

4 Reasons I Don't Think that Kim Davis Is a Martyr

Lately Facebook has been bombarded with a number of articles and posts about the Kentucky clerk, Kim Davis. The story goes that Kim Davis has not issued any marriage licenses, gay or straight, since the ruling in June that allowed for gay men and women to marry anywhere in the United Sates of America. After denying a number of couples a marriage licenses, Kim was arrested and put in jail, being held in contempt.

Soon after the news hit, as with each and every issue in the US, a dark, nasty, wide line was drawn in the sand with conservatives on one side and liberals on the other. The nation once again showed how divided it was. But "a house divided" platitude aside, what struck me the most was the support Kim seemed to gain from the Christians in America.

One article I read even canonized her including several quotes from Davis emphasizing that she considered her efforts to be rooted in her unwavering faith. Even the picture included of the Kentucky clerk captured one of the few moments that she didn't look furious with whomever she happened to be talking to at the moment. The comment section on the article praised Kim's efforts claiming that she was being persecuted and that prayers were being sent her way.

This is a difficult situation. One that requires us to actively avoid knee jerk reactions and try to think long and hard before we join the protesters in their display of prideful anger. Kim refused to give licenses to any same sex couples because it did not line up with what the Bible says. I agree with her on that point. If one reads the Bible with a renewed mind-one without political influence or sway from anything present in the world- the conclusion is that God considers homosexuality a sin. But I'm not sure I'm ready to jump on the Kim D bandwagon just yet. There are a few things that I find troubleing about the Christian movement to rally around her, and I think they are worth risking the uncomfortable moments that come when you disagree with others.

I'll be the first person to back down from any unnecessarily rocking of the boat. If it's a nonessential issue, I tend to let it be, especially if it has roots in politics and government. I believe that politics can tend to be a tool that the devil fluidly operates in order to divide the church. Because of that, I find that very little glory can be brought to God and His name by diving headfirst into every situation that calls for a choosing of sides. But this is very different.

Kim Davis is being called a martyr. She is being elevated as an example of who Christians should try to emulate. We have chosen for ourselves a king that was a head taller than the rest, and I'm just a little concerned that God is thinking something entirely different. Here are some of the issues I have with all of the Kim Davis support:

1. Government celebrities cannot be regarded as spiritual authorities.

In American Christian culture, we have started listening to and respecting the words and policies of Christian claiming politicians as if they were quoting scripture. The Christian-political stance has become dangerously sacred to the body of Christ. Some even consider their political beliefs to be equal to or greater than that of the truths found in the Bible. This is a very slippery slope to go down.

The single time that Jesus acted with force in the Bible, it was because money changers had been brought into the temple. Shouldn't that give us a heads up as to what God's heart might be towards those sorts of things? Politics are full of motives that do not line up with God's heart. Even the best motives are lost to the world because they still are driven by pride and anger towards certain groups of people.

God resist's the proud. Proverbs 6:16-19 says, "16 There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: 17 haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, 18 a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, 19 a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers."

Lying, wicked plans, false witness, sowing discord (the opposite of peace) among brothers? These are all things that anyone who follows politics would have to be blind not to notice. And they aren't unique to one party or another. Just a few minutes of watching any political debate should be enough time to witness a barrage of prideful, angry, biting remarks from both sides.

Political figures do not have the goal of loving God, loving others or leading others to Christ. There is a lot of money, and working of the system that needs to happen for men in this world to come to power. America is not an exception, and neither are any of the political parties in play. We need to stop acting as if the government is the United Church of America. It is damaging our core beliefs, damaging the name of Christ, and turning people away from salvation.

Yes, we should be politically aware of what is going on in the world. But we should not be so quick to pledge our fiery, unwavering support to people in political office. Politics are largely a choice between the lesser of two evils for Christians. There are glaring flaws on either side of the voting ticket. We are not trying to elect the next Christian king. We are trying to choose amongst men who consider politics to be their top priority. We cannot treat our political leaders with the same consideration and respect as we would a trusted pastor. Doing so will dilute the message of the gospel and render us weak spiritually.

2. The government is not going to bring anyone to salvation.

The government is a secular entity. It helps maintain our country's status as one with freedom of religion. In order to do that, it will hold laws that we as Christians do not agree with. That is because a government that has freedom of religion cannot itself be religious. If our US government were to implement laws that line up only with the Bible, we would be forcing an entire country to serve God regardless of their free will. Being forced to serve God does not equate to loving God. And it certainly does not mean anyone is more saved than before.

Often, I think we focus far too much on our government and whether or not it is Christian. Making the government and it's laws and regulations line up with the Bible is never going to save anyone. We cannot "save America" by changing her laws and actions. That would be not only forcing Christianity on someone, but also making the entire religious experience and relationship with God based upon works. And quite frankly, works and works based "salvation" are straight paths to hell.

So as to the question of whether or not we as Christians are or aren't religiously free, I would say that our freedom was more intact after Kim was arrested than before. Kim Davis was representing an official section of the government. In doing so, she was well aware that that meant that she was going to have to uphold the Constitution. Part of that Constitution includes a bit about religious freedom. If she is going to represent the government and the religious freedom it promises, she cannot bend the rules based upon her religion of preference.

I am not here to split hairs and get off on a tangent about who or what is or isn't upholding the Constitution. That's a quibble for another day (one I hope to not be there for). But what I am saying is that if Kim Davis' actions of imposing religious laws on citizens were allowed to go untouched,  a precedent could have been created that would allow for others to do the same thing. If other government officials were allowed to follow in suit and happened to not be a Christian, that would be a disastrous path for our country to go down.

Kim Davis knew the day that they made gay marriage legal in the USA that she would not be able to accurately represent the government any longer. That doesn't mean that Kim's rights were infringed. Having religious freedom does not mean that every job should conform to your beliefs. If so, Kim should be able to be a bartender and only serve non-alcoholic drinks. Kim should be able to work at a movie theatre and only sell tickets that are PG or PG-13 (do they even have G movies anymore?). Kim should be able to work at Hooters while wearing her signature full length skirt with a long sleeved shirt. But that's just not the case.

Kim is free to make whatever religious choices she desires, as are we. We can go out and tell everyone we know about Jesus right now, and the government will not do a thing! Our mandate from Jesus is completely protected, because we have the freedom to say whatever to whomever. But we simply will never be free to control other's actions. And we will not be free to work for the government and represent them as a Christian government rather than a secular one. That would not only infringe on the rights of other's to freely choose, but it would eventually come full circle when someone who doesn't follow Jesus Christ decides to pull their own Kim D.

3. We are to love.

Something that stood out to me when I first saw the footage of Kim Davis talking arguing with the two gay men was how obvious it was that she was speaking out of pride and judgement rather than love. With a facial expression of annoyance and anger, Kim spoke in short quick sentences answering what were fairly legitimate questions that these men were asking.

 I will not dissect every one of Kim's actions and words. She did keep her cool amidst what looked to be a tense situation. If you're interested, there are multiple videos online that one can find with a simple search. And I am not here to bash someone who was trying to live out her faith. But what I am trying to bring to light is how easily we as Christians tend to accept a lack of love when someone's sin, especially homosexuality, is involved.

Jesus once said that the two greatest commandments are to love God and love others. He then immediately followed that statement by saying that all the commandments line up with the two he listed. Jesus wasn't trying to streamline the commandments, he was making a point. When Jesus said that loving God and loving others was the most important thing, he was answering a pharisee who asked him which of the commandments was the most important. The pharisee had the motive of stumping Jesus, but Jesus had something better in mind. He took the opportunity to make the point that all of the ten commandments are rooted in love. It had always been about loving others, the pharisees were just a little too caught up in their religious pride to see that.

I wonder sometimes if we as the church are doing a better job at embodying the pharisees than Jesus. In the case of Davis, I have to conclude that there had to have been a more loving way to talk to those who came to her for a same sex marriage license. Love is patient up to a certain point. Love is kind unless you happen to be wrong. Love does not insist on it's own way except when it comes to homosexuals. Or wait-no. Because the love God desires us to walk in is not conditional. The love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 is described as bearing all things and not being irritable or resentful. Is it easy? Not at all. Is it possible in this day and age? Matthew 19:26 “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

We cannot forsake our godly mission to love others. That is the only difference between Christians and the world. The world looks out for number one, but Christians love. We love because God first loved us. And our loving unity will be what causes the unbelievers that we think are so far gone to take one look at us and say, "there has to be a God, and I have to know Him". If we do not love, we drastically lessen the chances that the two men talking to Davis (and so so many more) had for being brought to salvation.

4.We are to spread the good news.

This goes hand in hand with the last point. Some see our mandate to love as an excuse to never say anything to anyone. Being absolutely non-confrontal and never saying a thing about your faith would be a tragedy, and one for which we would have to answer. The fact is, the truth will set you free. We must speak out. And what we say is important.

There is power in the gospel. There is real life changing power that comes when the story of Jesus Christ is told. When we plant the seed of the good news, the Holy Spirit will soften hearts and bring multitudes to Jesus! But we must remember that this is the good news. Not the "naggy" news, as my mom refers to it. What she means by "naggy news" is that part of the gospel is not to scoot the plank in our eye over just enough to tell someone all about the "good news" of the splinter in their eye.

Let me say it this way, because this is an important part of Christianity to understand. The gospel is everything. Everything that we do and know about God stems off of it and goes deeper into it. The gospel is not a mirror that we use to point out the sins of others. The gospel is about Jesus, and what he did to make a way for us. So the fact that we need a way is important, yes. But if all we get out of our mouths it the fact that our Savior doesn't like their sin, then we are editing the gospel at a disastrous cost.

Think back to Kim and the two men who were trying to obtain a marriage license. Do you think either of them are going to look back on that day and turn to Jesus because some woman behind a desk told them that God didn't like them? If so, I would love to hear the testimony, because I'm sure it would have to include some sort of visitation and explanation from the Lord. Not that that isn't entirely possible or that I think that they are never going to turn to Jesus, but I am trying to make a point.

The salvation of those whom Kim Davis turned away was not her main concern. Her main concern was the law of God vs the laws of man. As a result, real people with real souls that desperately (just like you and I) need Jesus were steamrolled. If we are to be fishers of men, we cannot omit the gospel because we find certain sins more in need of pointing out than others. If we are to love God and love others, we must make sure and share the gospel while allowing the Holy Spirit to be the great convector and changer of hearts.

Could you imagine how this could have gone if Kim had compassionately and fervently shared the gospel and her testimony rather than dismissively telling others how wrong they were? People might not have accepted Christ in that moment. Maybe they might have. But even if they didn't, they could look back and honestly say, "Kim Davis was concerned about whether or not I get to spend eternity with Jesus." Yah it probably would have felt weird to be a county clerk talking to gay men and women about Jesus; likely a lot weirder than being dismissive and perturbed. But people could be brought into the kingdom. There's heaven or hell-no in-between. And people's eternal souls are important enough to sacrifice our need to point out their sin instead of spreading the good news.

That is why I write. Not because of a political preference or affiliation with a party of man. I speak out because as Christians, loving God and loving others must be the most important thing. The gospel must be our battle cry, and our battle cannot be against flesh and bone. The moment we start glorifying those who's priorities are not just as Jesus said they should be, the gospel gets lost in translation.

 Kim Davis is not a martyr. She is stubborn, and she is trying. But she should not receive support as someone who is representing Jesus and God's love for the world. We can and should pray. We should strive to spread the good news. But we should refrain from adding to the gospel by pledging our support to those who do not deserve it. To do so would sacrifice the validity and purity of God's message to mankind. We should avoid that at all costs.