Fearing Idols

I look forward to going to work on Mondays. It's not that I am particularly amped up about being a banker, even though it is a huge blessing. No, the reason that I get excited about the first day of my work week is because I know that I get to read three whole days of devotions from my desk calendar. My desk calendar is just like any other normal calendar, except for the fact that it has Bible verses and devotionals about fear to go along with every day. On Monday, I get to read the leftovers from the weekend, and this causes me to look forward to arguably the most hated day of the week. Silly, I know, but it's the little things, right?

One particular morning, while reading the devotional for the day, I came across a verse that had never  before seemed particularly profound to me. The devos in my calendar can sometimes feel a little weak because of the stretches the author must make to have 365 individual devos all about fear with completely different verses for each one. The point is there, but sometimes you can see how deep they had to dig to find it.

This could have been one of those days. The verse came from 2 Kings 17:35, and it was right in the middle of the story line. It reads, "35 The Lord made a covenant with them and commanded them, “You shall not fear other gods or bow yourselves to them or serve them or sacrifice to them" ". Okay, yes, I see the connection. Rather out of context, but it does pertain to fear. But then I started to maul it over a little bit, and the Holy Spirit opened my eyes to the golden nugget that this verse really was. "You shall not fear other god's".

We have all heard it before. Do not place any other gods before God. Big "G", little "g". We see the difference. But if you're anything like myself, you have mostly brushed this off the few times that you have heard it. I mean, it's not like people are going out and really buying statues to pray and sacrifice to. Even in the least respected circles, this would still seem fruitless, foolish, and dumb. No one buys idols as they were described in the Bible. It's just not a thing anymore.

This particular time of reading over this verse, I thought of something that I had not considered before. God was very specific to mention not fearing other gods.  When presented with a verse commanding us to not place any gods before the Lord, we might be able to make it as far as to ask ourselves if, instead of idols, there are any people or material things that we are elevating above God in priority. But I had never noticed fearing other gods emphasized like it was in this devotional. After reading the verse, I felt like God was proposing the question to my heart, "what are you fearing more than me?"

It feels strange to think that the Israelites ever feared other gods, because there only is one true God: God. It is a no-brainer for the modern day believer in Christ. But could it be that we enter into the same sort of foolish fear that they did do long ago when we enter into fear of anything other than God? The Bible is chocked full of verses about not fearing. "Prefect love cast's out fear", 1 John 4:18. 2 Timothy 1:7, "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind". It is clear that God did not design us to live in fear, nor does he operate with fear. God desires us to live fearlessly. But I think that the topic of fear in the Bible is often the sort of thing that we read over and take for granted because of how fully immersed we are in the world.

From childhood, we are taught that fear is an uncontrollable emotion that we experience. We are taught simply to accept it as a way of operating as a functional adult. We are to have a "healthy fear" of certain things. In fact, some people will even say that it is wise to have some fear in you. They reason that there are certain things that every person should fear. But that is not at all the same message that God has for us in the Bible.

No, God doesn't desire us to act foolishly. God does no intend for us to do everything that we happen to not afraid of. In the verse in 1 Timothy, it is emphasized that Timothy has a spirit of power and sound mind. We are well equipped by what God has already given us to not act foolishly. We do not need fear to guide us.

So lets gravitate back towards God's question, "What are you fearing more than me?" In the context of the verse in 2 Kings 17:35, the Israelites were fearing what they thought were other gods. They were placing them as high or higher than God in their minds. They considered these false gods to hold some sort of power over them, and as a result, they had fear in their hearts for them.

As I said earlier, passages about idols and idol worship have always struck me as an outdated message and hard to relate to. But the longer I thought about what I was fearing more than God, the more clear it became to me that there are plenty of idols in my life.

Sometimes I fear people more than God. That shows very clearly when I worry over what others think about me. I might have a totally normal conversation with someone, but because there was a response that I said too late or said too many times, I replay the interaction over and over again in my mind. Fear of others can also manifest in embarrassment. The reason that we get embarrassed much of the time is because we are dreading what others are thinking of us in the current situation. But that is not necessary with God. We can simply pick ourselves up and move on knowing who we are in Christ.

Sometimes I might fear not getting things done more than God. My mind will be completely consumed with the task or tasks that I have yet to get done. I will worry for a long time about what might happen if I never get those things done. The situations that I think about might not even be real, and this fear may cause me to mike bad decisions or even lash out to the people around me. I might even feel completely paralyzed because of my fear of not accomplishing tasks, causing me to not get anything at all done.

The future is another thing that will take center stage in my mind as a powerful unconquerable "god". The thought of health or money growing sour as I age is sometimes a trap that my mind enters into willfully. I will worry about the future even though it has not even happened yet! But for every single thing that might consume our thoughts, Jesus has an answer. Matthew 6:31-33 reads, "Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."

When we choose to really and truly think of other things as more powerful than God, it is as if we are the Israelites worshiping a powerless statue god. No, we might not consciously consider these things to be powerful overlords. But when we dread and fret over things or people instead of standing in awe over who God is and what he will do, we are subconsciously placing something in a more powerful position than God. The thing we fear is getting our attention, and we will make decision based upon that fear. Simply put, we will be unable to live for God, because we will be living for something else.

The fear of the Lord comes on us when we realize more and more who God is and how awesome and beautiful he is. The fear of the Lord is not at all like the fear we experience in this world and of this world. The fear we experience in response to the various other "gods" in our lives is paralyzing and leads to completely irrational thoughts. Sometimes it is difficult to wrap our minds around what the Bible is saying when it mentions the "fear of the Lord" because we have scary movies and other such things that have taught us a spirit of fear that God never intended for us to operate in.

The fear of the Lord is a humble stance of awe and worship, and it is full of peace and love. Walking in the fear of other things is devoid of peace and allows those idols to have power over us. We cannot think that other gods (what people think, the future, money) and the Lord are the most powerful thing at the same time. We either serve one or the other.

The way that we decide to choose the fear of the Lord over the fear of other gods is simply to get in the word and seek God for guidance. The fear that we have in our lives may seem immovable or even logical. But faith comes by hearing and hearing the word of God. And the word is true. The more we immerse ourselves in the Bible and verses about God's heavenly view on fear, the more we will be able to operate in the spirit of power, love and sound mind that God has given us.

God desires for us to be able to walk fully in all that he has for us. Let us throw down our idols, and stand in worship and awe of God and only God.

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What do you view as idols? Are there things in your life that you have always feared? Feel free to comment, rant or rave! Start a conversation, like and even share. 

But always remember, you are loved by God.

Family Photo Time

 Caution! Cuteness overload ahead! A few weeks ago, Teagan and I went to Ralls, Tx to visit our family. I decided to try and get pictures of the family holding the newest addition to the family, my niece, Kendall Eve. Here are some of the pictures that I took:

Uncle Teagan and Kyndall

Aunt Lanie and Kyndall

Grammy and Kyndall

There really isn't much that needs to be added when you have pictures of such a sweet and innocent face. I will add though, that I still need to get a picture of Kyndall with her momma, Katie! I have no idea how that did not happen, but it will be fixed in time.

Sometimes in life, we get to stand back and witness moments that are best when we do nothing but observe. The sweetest times that we enjoy with family require little more than for us to just be still and be grateful.

As Teagan and I enter our twenties as a couple with expectation and excitement, it can be easy to get caught up in planning for school, career, friends, and even future places to live. Those are great things to plan for, but sometimes, being on the precipice of life can tend to make you want to start moving fast and furious. In the end, though, there are few key things that matter to which you should hold fast: God and your family.

Let us not lead lives that slowly abandon either our relationship with God the father or our earthly family. God matters. People matter. Money, career, education, location are all icing. A diet of icing cannot fully fulfill our spirit man. It will in the end leave us sapped of energy and full of regret. Pursue God, love God, and love others. Whether we are deciding on a college to go to or where to live, if we hold fast and prioritize God, we will be alright.

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Katie, your daughter is precious and loved. We all can't wait to see her grow, and we can't believe that we get to be part of her beautiful life!

Two Year Anniversary

My husband and I have been married for two years since March ninth. Two tiny whole years. At least two years feels tiny when you think about the goal which is forever, but then again, it is not nothing.

Along with being married only two years, my husband and I got married quite young! I was 19 and Teagan was 21. I didn't even really feel like an adult yet, at the time. Honestly I had planned to get married at 25 or so, but we see that that didn't happen, and here we are. So it is with hesitation that I start any sort of reflective writing about marriage. But I feel like if you think marriage is great after skimping financially, dealing with being quite young, and any other myriad of hardships that those factors combined might bring, then you might have something worthwhile to say. So it is with a dollop of humility and a pinch of initiative that I shall attempt to write down a few thoughts that I have accumulated about marriage.

First I want to start out with a disclaimer: Marriage is great. It's great. Do not let Chris Rock or any other person tell you differently. When God brings you to your spouse, it is amazing. It's not amazing like eating oreos, but rather amazing like a magnificent paining. Don't get me wrong, I love oreos. The oreos were great, but they took little time to consume and yielded very little. A massive masterpiece of a painting took time, not only to paint but years of someone's life was spent learning how to paint. One might scoff at the work put not the painting saying, "why are you laboring so long? I have a box of oreos right here! A second and you'll have heaven in your mouth! It is not worth it." But once the work is put in, you can see that it is truly something to behold.

But even then, marriage is better than that because you are with that person every day, and it is vibrant and a lifelong adventure with that person in whatever life may hold. No, marriage is nothing like the type of love and relationships that much of the secular and religious world desires. It may appear to be foolishness to many. But to those of us who enter in to the fullness of what God has for those that would but say yes, there is an adventure more than worth waiting, sacrificing, and submitting for. Marriage is great.

The second thing that I want to say is that marriage, relationships, love, forgiveness, kindness, and grace is that they are all pretty much God's thing. They were all meant to operate under the pretenses that we shall let God direct them, not ourselves. When one attempts to replicate what we all clearly, blatantly, obviously desire (a monogamous relationship mutual love, respect, and forgiveness) without God in the equation, it is not enough. The living evidence of that may fall anywhere on the spectrum in peoples lives from the extreme to the livable. But folks, if you think "the one" will really be the one person that will make everything right and complete in your life, you're headed for a world of heart break.

When God was making each and every one of us, his ultimate goal was not to pair us up. God created us to be with him. Jesus died so that we could be with God forever. It has always been about you meeting God and spending life with him, not finding a man or woman to place in that spot. So when we do get to enter in to the major blessing of marriage, and marriage is a major blessing, it is best when it is built on a mutual understanding that, "hubby is not number one. Wifey is not number one either- God is number one, and he has brought us together. Let's be together, and in that togetherness always honor God."

When that mindset-that climate of the heart is found, the marriage flourishes because it is not squashed under the expectation of becoming our new God. Marriage cannot be what fuels your joy, peace, and need for love. Much of the byproduct of a great marriage is good, but the true source in our life must be God. If he is not, there is without a doubt someone or something in our lives that will be feeling the pressure to take his place. That person or thing will eventually crumble under the pressure and fall away or warp into something completely unrecognizable.

The third thing that I really want to impress upon you is that unaddressed anger or unforgiveness, which can often walk hand in hand, will burrow deep into a marriage and begin to rot it from the inside out. Any relationship can be ruined by deep rooted anger and unforgiveness. And sometimes, in an attempt to reach a sort of fake but livable state of peace, we can tend to brush feelings under the rug. Whether or not it is in order to avoid conflict or just our of laziness, we don't dress it, and try not to let it be real. But eventually it comes up and out. And the fallout of anger and unforgiveness that has been ignored is much worse, much more damaging than if we had taken the time and energy to fix the problem at it's root.

When you are in a relationship with someone that constantly has an undertone of sarcasm or annoyance going with everything that they say, it takes a toll. Living with an angry person, not explosive but just angry, is unpleasant to say the least. I had to work through some unaddressed anger at the beginning of Teagan and I's relationship, and it was hard. I had been wronged for sure by several broken friendships, but that still did not give me the right to bring our relationship down. Something had to budge, and God gently led me through what was a fairly untimely and dark period in my life.

Don't walk around with a chip on your shoulder. If you find yourself constantly badmouthing someone or complaining unceasingly, maybe it's time to take a step back. Is your life going well? Do you enjoy your days anymore? If there is a constant turmoil in your life, ask God about it. He gives us a spirit of love, power, and a sound mind. Nowhere in there does it say that God bolsters our existence with a spirit of aggression. Constantly being annoyed will only bring an unrest that will either tear a marriage down or make it something you dread. Face the anger. Pray and ask God for guidance. If he can help me, no one is too far gone. I'll leave it at that, but take my word for it.

The last thing that I think does not get said enough is that to really give your marriage an extra essential boost, just say no to badmouthing or complaining about your spouse to others. There are always extreme situations in which one might need to get help, but in most cases, the women at work don't need to be looking down on your husband because he accidentally washed a red shirt with the white clothing. Honestly I think that degrading your spouses image behind their back or while with them is probably one of the fastest ways to get an absolutely mediocre marriage.

When we get married, we become part of a team. Teagan and I really like that analogy, because it helps you realize that it goes against any partnership to start going against the other player. If a football team started blocking it's own players, the only possible outcome would be a loss! When you agree to be with someone for the rest of their life, feeling like you are always safe with that person- like they always have your back is incredibly important.

The number one cheerleader of your spouse should be the person they come home to every day. If we have a problem with our spouse, the person who should hear about it is them. That's it. Terri at from work is not interested in the wellbeing of your relationship. So if it is so bad that you need to talk to someone, couples counseling would be your best bet. It will foster a fair environment in which real progress can be made.

Again, there are different situations, so don't hold out on getting help if your straits are dire. But I think for the most part, it is not a matter of us putting up with bad treatment. The fact of the matter is, if we want a loving and vibrant relationship with our spouse, what those around us hear should build up. Otherwise, we will crush any respect right our of our marriage. That's not what God had in mind, and it doesn't have to be what we walk in any longer. As always, seek God, and even get an accountability partner. Talk with someone older than yourself that has been there. God will be faithful to change your heart and renew your mind until you see a completely transformed marriage.

That's all that I have to say for today! Like I said, I am just on the beginning of the beginning of marriage. I claim no seniority, but I will claim that I know that marriage is amazing and a blessing from God. It's not a doily covered, bed at 6pm, type of blessing either. Marriage is meant to be amazing, vibrant, and fun. God is the author of every good and perfect thing, so isn't he also the author of fun? God knew what he was doing when he created this union.

Teagan and I first met at a coffee shop through a mutual friend, and for me, it was not love at first sight. I took one look at him and told my friend that I would never date him! God laughed a resounding, "haha!" and not too long after that we were engaged and scrambling to throw a wedding together! God has a sense of humor. God loves fun. And ultimately, even when I was questioning that something so precious and incredible could really be from God, God knew best.

These tiny four points are just a small glimpse into marriage, but I felt that they touched enough peoples lives to deserve being addressed. Two years ago I said yes to my best friend. I couldn't legally have wine at my wedding, and the lighting was horrible because at the last minute, the game was called on account of rain- to a basement. But, and I guess this could be a bonus number five for any of you who have not yet said, "I do": the actual day matters very little. The glamor and the hype and the online presence of your wedding is fun, but it is not what makes the marriage great. And I would take 50 more years of this adventure of a bond over the most glamorous repeat of my wedding.

Teagan, I love you! You're the best! Here's to many many more years!

Resolution Update

It is yet another new month! Is 2015 flying by for anyone else? I feel like I was just impressed about the fact that we were into February, and now March is here! That means that I have been aiming myself at my new years goals for a solid two months now, and boy has it been rocky.

January was pretty much a bust, to be honest. I made a million goals, and by the end of the first 31 days of the year, I was broken and tired of myself. January was a flop. February was much better! The only goal that I really didn't get down was my read three chapters a day. I am still debating on whether I should cut that down, keep it entirely or cut it all the way out. But reading is important, so I think I will keep it in.

Here are my concrete, measurable goals:

1. Two blog post's a week. I think that should be more than manageable. I also want to write at least six short stories this year. That's a half of a story per month. There is no set length, so I can go as long or short as I want. 

3. Three chapters a day. And it must be one book at a time. Not counting the Bible, of course.

5. Expect three pictures per month. Yep- three. That feels scary, but if it matters to me, I can take at least three pictures that I like enough to post each month. I owe it to myself to not chicken out of this one, so there it is. Three a month. Done.

8. I really like to do stretches on my yoga mat in the morning, and I use to make at lest fifteen minutes of time for it every day. I'm going to go back to that. A few minutes of yoga every day. That's final. Any person is capable of that. No chickening out, Candace! No chickening out! Also in the realm of taking care of my temple, I am committing to fifteen minutes of cardio at least five days a week. This is not hard to find time for. It's just the execution that I have problems with. Again. No chickening out, Candace.

9. I am committing to at least fifteen minutes of solid prayer time. It's as simple as that.

(I know it's small, but it's a recap. You can see the original post here in it's normal size.)

Really quickly, 1, 5, 8, and 9 went smoothly. I have gotten a pretty good rhythm for those things, and I think that they were by far the most important things on my list. Three...*sigh* oh, three. I still did not figure out what my best way of fitting in three chapters of a book per day in my routine is. This may sound incredibly pathetic to those of you who are avid bookworms out there, but I am still not giving up. Things that are important take time, and this is still a habit that I don't want to give up on! So number three, March is your month!

And that's the end of my recap. Rather than going deep into my life and something that I have repeated at least two times now, I wanted to make this post something that would be less about myself and more about everyone. I did still want to keep to my promise to keep my failures and success open to the public, but I am sure it feels weird to read about me me me at the beginning of every month (it feels odd to me). So let's do something different on month three, shall we?

After devoting two solid months to whipping myself into this shape that I had imagined, it occurs to me that goals are not only good because you challenge yourself to work on and pursue becoming a more rounded person, but you also learn a lot about what you thought was important and what is important. Personally, I learned that it is important to me to be on this blog writing, but it it also important to me to keep up with my body and it's physical needs for fitness. I thought that I would be okay concentrating on everything else and supplementing my lack of exercising with stretching every morning, but as it turns out, I am not. But that's okay, because the habits I have built are not for nothing, and there is no reason that I cannot start up some sort of workout routine!

Sometimes we fixate on the person that we want to be or the things that we potentially want to do so much that when we actually do get around to making the changes, it's clear that reality differs completely from what was written on paper. When we find ourselves in the midst of what we thought would be the best thing for us and realize that it is still not the best case scenario, we don't have to give up and say that it was all for nothing. Sometimes that is how the devil will try to spin it in order to make us feel like we have somehow lost. But we are more than conquerors, and we don't need to look at the need to take another direction as a sign that the time spent was wasted.

Change can be difficult and it can make you question the direction that you had been going all along, but lean into God in times of confusion. In the end, no matter how we feel after achieving or obtaining a goal that we have set for ourselves, what really matters is being with God. God will always be the most important thing. He is the true source of our strength, joy, and peace, not the goals that we make. It may take trial and error to figure out how to prioritize the different goals in life, but as long as we are rooted in God, the journey will be worth it.

Maybe it's time to dust off the list of resolutions and see what was worth pursuing and what should be dropped or added! I know I'll be doing some of that this month. Have you had any goals made back in January that you realize needed tweaking? Let me know!

Poem Saturday

Today I felt like posting a poem that I had written a few weeks ago. I was inspired by the rich life that I get to live which includes family with which we get to spend wonderful Sundays. I know little about poetry, but I do like having fun with words. I am merely having a little fun. Without further ado, here is a rich night poured into word form.

Week's End

The lazy lights before us blink, silently beaconing of us to that which is familiar. 

Our bed awaits with its known texture and melody of comfort. 

As the beat of the music pulses through my legs and hair straight to my heart, I cannot help but to willingly and gladly say yes to both requests. Yes to drinking deep of the rich waining of the day, and yes to welcoming the promise of the restful night that lies ahead. 

But the brother of the delicious Sunday I have enjoyed is Monday. His nessecary strong arm, placed between blissful enjoyment and my dutiful weeks beginning, is both biter and sweet. 

The time spent with those I love will soon be traded off for time spent to ensure that more days of love and wonder can exist. 

As I look on once more upon the night sky, I witness lightning punching through the sky to interlock fingers with the grass only for less than less than a second. It occurs to me how much the earth is stirring and aching for things to be put back to the way they should be. 

It is wonderful and frightening, the passion with which the world stirs and aches for the return of the artist to his artistry. The furious determination in which the sky erupts angrily is truly something to be beheld, sought out and fathomed.

My chest cries out for the hours to lengthen and linger. But as my eyes turn toward the horizon, I am taken over with a purposeful desire to press on, knowing that this end is but temporary. 

And when I have seen many temporary ends, and the days have grown slow again, 

I know I shall take in the sweet flashes of this existence no more. 

And then it will not be lights that beacon me, but those of old whom love me yet I know them not, as well as He of forever that loves me and that I know well.

Taping over the Switch

Right now, Teagan and I live in a duplex. As a byproduct of living in a house that is divided into half for two tenants to share, we have connected air vents. This was perfectly fine until one of the tenants next door decided that the bathroom on the connecting wall of the house would be a great place to smoke and then turn on the fan to suck it all up and out. Needless to say, the wonderfully stale smell of smoke began seeping into our bathroom and eventually into our whole house. Yay.

To combat this, Teagan and his dad, Gim, simply stuffed a bit of insulation into the vent in the bathroom. Because of this, we cannot use the heat fan switch, you know the one that makes a ton of noise? If we were to turn it on, the insulation would be heated and possibly catch on fire or worse. We had mistakenly flipped the wrong switch a time or two, so to take the option of flipping on the incorrect switch away entirely, we took a lovely piece of duck tape and placed it over the switch in question. It is quite ugly, but it does the job. We now have our smoke free house back!

I never thought too much about the entire escapade until I was recently at work and felt tempted to dive into a worry fest. As I felt the anxiety and worrisome thoughts beaconing much like the cravings past smokers for cigarets, I also felt God using our somewhat odd bathroom vent arrangements to help me not give in. "Candace, tape over the switch".

The thought paths that I know if I go down will only lead to anxiety and fear, God was instructing me to tape over. The opportunity to dive into the fruitless task of worrisome, anxious thinking is always there. There are and will forever be things in our life, whether in our control or out of it, that we could choose to dwell on and not trust God with. We must tape over those switches.

The mind is where battles are won or lost. That might come across as quite cliche, but that fact is entirely true and important. Anything that we do in life begins with a thought saying that we can in fact do it. Projects or jobs that we may have thrived at can be abandoned before they even start if we say in our thoughts, "I can't do that". The way that an entire day goes, well or poorly, can be decided by the infant thoughts floating through our mind while we are not yet fully awake. That is why the phrase "woke up on the wrong side of the bed" exists. There is no real "wrong side of the bed", we just let our thoughts and emotions determine how our day is going to play out before the day has even happened. If we wake up with a sour attitude, chances are, the whole day is doomed from the start.

But that was never God's design. There are hundreds of scriptures in the Bible counseling us on fear, and all of them say not to fear. God's plan was never for us to live as slaves to our thoughts and emotions. He designed us to be fearless, and have a sound mind. Why do you think that in the same sentence that Paul told Timothy not to fear, he also told him that God had given him a spirit of power, love and self control? Fear is not of God. A spirit of anxiety is not what he offers. But by grace through faith, we can walk in a spirit of self control which is outside of the spirit of fear.

If you are struggling like I and so many others do to keep your mind off of worrisome paths, learn to tape over whatever is turning on your fear and anxiety. Not all situations are exactly the same, and I am not saying that they are. But as someone who has made the transition from consumed by fear to rooted and courageous in God, I can say that doing this does make a difference. 

Firstly, recognize what thoughts cause you to dwell in a state of dread. Some examples that I can offer are when I have bought something and start to feel anxious about no longer having the money, feeling anxious about past mistakes I have made, or worrying about the future. Any one of those things could have a potentially negative outcome. If I am worrying about the bills, it is not without reason. But even though the outcome could be bad, dwelling on whether or not it will be offers no help to the situation. But all the logic in the world won't keep anyone from worrying. That't why there is a second step.

After you become more mindful of your thoughts, taking care to be very conscious of what you are thinking and why, the next step is to give it to God. As I said before, some of the things that we worry about do really have a bad outcome that might happen. When Jesus came to visit Mary and Martha, Martha was preoccupied with many things. Upon Martha's request that he tell Mary to help her, Jesus said, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her". 

I am sure the things that Martha was fussing over were tasks that needed doing. But there will always be things that need to be done, things that we could worry over. We will leave this world with tasks undone. But we must choose to be like Mary, and realize where our trust should lie. We can either scurry about, living in worry and anxiousness, or we can sit in the peace of trusting the Lord to take care of us. 

Whenever I feel myself start dwelling on something that causes fear to rise in me, I ask God to help me with the situation, and then I trust him. You cannot do one without the other, mind you! If you pray for God to help you, and then neglect to place your trust in him, you will continue to trudge though your day full of fear. If I were to ask Teagan to do something, but think on the inside that he won't really do it, I will still feel the weight of the task on my shoulders as if I had never said anything to him at all. The same applies to asking our heavenly Father for help. If we don't let go of the situation and trust that he will in fact be our Provider, then we will live in fear rather than peace. 

I am not saying that it is easy. I have to be very aware of my thoughts, and not let myself say, "I trust you, God", and then immediately start thinking about the problem again. It might even take a few times of me mentally turning my eyes off of what is happening and all that I cannot do and back onto my Provider before I can actually let go of the situation and completely trust God. But when I am able to say, "I trust you", and sincerely believe that God has got the situation under control, the tight feeling in my chest leaves, and God's peace that passes all understanding washes over me.

As we become more aware of what we are thinking and the impact that it has on our emotions, not letting our thoughts and emotions run away with us will become easier. But if we let our thoughts run unbridled, we can very quickly find ourselves in a dark dark place. But in the same turn, if we find ourselves in any sort of darkness of the mind, God is faithful to help us whenever we call out his name! Cry out to him with deepest sincerity. He does not need you to clean up or cut out parts of you that you might not want others to see. Trust him with the thoughts you are most preoccupied with or most ashamed about, and turn your mental focus off of them and onto your loving Keeper.

Tape up what turns on your fear. Don't even give yourself the chance to flip the switch. God gives us a spirit of power, love and self control. We don't have to live as defeated slaves to our thoughts. As we dwell with the one who casts out all fears as Mary did, we will find that it really is the one thing that is necessary. No amount of human efforts or worrying will alleviate the various troubles that we face. But as we find our spot at the feet of Jesus, we will know a fullness of love and peace that only comes when we choose to take our gaze off of the various tasks and worries of the day and place it squarely on the Lover of our souls.

Jumping Up Mountains

Right now my husband and I have a lot of goals. We would like to move across the country. We would like to save up a sizeable amount of money before doing so. We would like to go back to school. We would like to eventually (Read: eventually.) have children. And I personally would like to be able to write (or do some sort of creative thing) for a living. But right now, we are in the middle of saving. Teagan and I are in the middle of jobs that simply bring in a paycheck, and we are not yet back in school. We still have a lot of steps to take. And I, for a while there, had been making a major mistake.

I say had, because God was faithful to get a hold of me. I work at a bank in town, and I am able to work full time. This means health and other insurance benefits. My job is a huge blessing! But for a few months, I had begun to start despising this great blessing from God. You see, I enjoy doing many things in my free time. Reading, writing, drawing, painting, photography, and even cleaning (yes cleaning)! But I had not had a full time job before the one that I am holding right now, only part time employment. So the new major occupation of my time came as somewhat of a shock to me. There were many other things that I wanted to be doing, but for most of the day I was stuck pushing numbers on a computer at work. I quickly became discouraged.

"This is not what God made me to do", I rationalized, "I should be at home honing my abilities so that I can follow through and be good enough to make some money on what God has made me to do!" So I eventually stopped looking at my job as an amazing opportunity for someone my age, and started blowing it off ever so slightly. I would not put much effort into my work, making mistakes here and there. I would waste absurd amounts of time, playing on my phone, or simply working on something else. I would get behind on things that no one was checking, procrastinating until there was no point in even going back to it. I was squandering the amazing gift that I had prayed so earnestly for! I can only imagine how it looked to God who blessed me with something that I had asked for, only to see me treat it with such disdain.

But that is not the end of my story. As I slowly became worse and worse of an employee at work, I could feel the tugging of the Spirit on my heart growing stronger and stronger each day. I had immensely less peace. My days never felt right, and on my drives home, I was constantly convicted of not giving my all (or much of anything) at work. God knew that I was aware of what I was doing. He also knew that I was fully conscious of what I should have been doing, so he let me enter into a period of unrest- a season without peace and full of dissatisfaction and disappointment.

I thought the answer was to be rewarded with more time with which to do what I wanted, what God wanted me to be doing. If I could only quit my job, and devote all of my time to what I really love, then I would be at peace! I had it fixed in my mind that the end of this season was up to God. I would see the light when he would show me a way out of my job. But that was not what God had in mind. Because, while God did gift me with more than the ability to fill out forms and tasks around the office, he never meant for me to use that as an excuse to neglect the step in my life that was before me. I might in fact be able to quit my day job and spend my time on something more creative, but now was not that time. God gave me a job that most twenty-one year old, married women would love. He was waiting for me to be faithful to him right now, instead of waiting for the full realization of my purpose.

When January rolled around, I finally felt entirely fed up. I was tired of how I had been acting, and I was tired of looking at my life and not expecting God to change me. God gave me one simple task as an answer to a prayer asking to change my ways at work. In response to my self-imposed desperation, God gave me a way out. "Don't bring your cellphone into the office".

"Really God? I'm not that out of control. That's embarrassing! I'm not one of those people!", the solution seemed so extreme to me!

"Flee from temptation. Leave your phone in your car." God knew my heart of hearts. Even when I wouldn't admit it to myself, God still knew that I was absurdly distracted by my phone. He stuck with me, waited patiently for me to admit that I was making a mess of my work life, and kindly offered the solution. All it took for me to see a complete 360 turnaround of my work life was faith that God would bring me out of the mess I had created, and a step of obedience through that faith.

I immediately started to see a change. I began working on the projects I had neglected. I became faithful and reliable. And you might think that after getting use to wasting so much time, I would be bored from working without any breaks to pass the day by, but I was more invigorated and preoccupied than ever before. My days at work became far more rewarding and interesting. I have not been bored one day since choosing to be faithful to God in my work. God's abundant grace is not just for a ticket into heaven. By grace through faith we can walk in a life that honors God. I had been trapped by fear and laziness. Now, because of God, I am free.

And I'll tell you another thing. The list of things that I like to do? The writing, art, and photography? I have time for all of it now. After allowing God to reveal what I didn't want to admit, and submitting to what he truly desired for me, the time just opened up! It opened up because I had been lazy at work, and in reality, home was no different. I wanted to believe that if I quit my jobbed and devoted my time to what I wanted to do, that I would be able to thrive and get things done. But that would not have happened. God could see that I was not ready to manage my own day yet. I'm incredibly glad that I honored God instead of trying to follow my foolish psudo-understanding.

The steps on the path to what we feel that God has called us to do can feel useless and dry. I was under the impression that really coming alive for God in this season in my of life was unimportant. There seemed to be no need for me to go at life with vigor, because it was not what I felt that God had for me in the long run. And that is probably true. I plan on going back to school, and I don't intend to pursue banking. But that doesn't make this step in my life any less important, and less worthy of my entire being and obedience than the steps that I will take further along the path. No one jumps up a mountain. They climb foot by foot, inch by inch. By placing the mountain peek higher up in importance than the steps at the foundation, I had been dooming my ascent from the beginning.

One last thought. I had prayed, earnestly prayed for a full time job with a kind boss and good hours. I got so much more than that. God gave me what I had asked for and more, but I forgot why I had asked for it-where I had been before, and I became lax and mistreated that which God had given me. I honestly wonder sometimes if I had not stopped being so useless, how long it would have been until they fired me. I did work, don't get me wrong, but I had to be told several times by my boss not to camp out on my phone. Each time, she was very kind, and not at all demeaning. But she had to tell me none the less.

We mustn't forget what God has done to get us to the place we are now. Before my current job at the bank, I had been honestly hating my job. I did not appreciate the attitudes of my superiors, and I had thought many days after work about quitting. I was constantly undermined, walked over, and treated unfairly. In the midst of my comfort at my new job, I had forgotten where I had been, and why I left. God will bring us out of some nasty, unfair, uncomfortable situations. When he does, we should not feel the need to earn anything. We can never earn grace, it is freely given. But we should through faith walk as good stewards.

A steward is someone who who manages something. We are given our lives, and are stewards over them because we have free will. That means we can choose to burry our talents in the ground for fear of our Master, or we can be active, and make choices that will multiply what we were given rather than stifle the good we were blessed with. Ever part of our lives, even the most seemingly unimportant seasons deserve wholehearted devotion. Let us no longer snub the the time we are given, but instead go at it with a vigor and joy that can only be fully explained by our relationship with the Lord.