10 Very Real Goals for my New Year

It is six days in to the new year, and if I were prone to wagers, I would bet that you fall into one out of two categories. Either you are plugging along, seizing the passing of one year into the next as an opportunity for general self improvement, or you are sitting by, doing the same old things while thinking, "that was just another day. There's no reason to treat it differently than all the other 365." Well if you are the second one, then I commend you for your sharp grip on reality! But I also have to apologize, because I love the New Year, and I am extremely guilty of being the former of the two kinds of people.

In my mind, New Years is one of the best times of year! Yes, the gyms get flooded with people that will be gone in one to two months. Sure a huge percentage of resolutions that are made that soon fall by the wayside unkept. But as a born optimist, I can't help but to see past the bloated commercialized version of New Years, and picture a new year that is strong, young and full of potential!

As soon as Christmas ends, my mind floods with excitement about all of the new goals that I can make! Keep the house cleaner, take better care of my body, vow to stop hanging onto clothing that isn't my style just for the sake of having a full closet, spend my time more wisely, love more, pray more-the list goes on. And I know they tell you not to set too many goals at once, but it almost feels as if the longer my list gets, the more excited I become. It's a cycle. A vicious one, or an uplifting one, I can't be sure. But none the less, as a twenty one year old woman in the year twenty-fifteen, I am going to dive headfirst into this year with expectation galore. So here are some of my very real, and not at all too big goals:

1. Write More

I don't claim any impressive ability. But I do believe that God gave me a passion for writing. The great thing about that is the more I exercise my writing muscles, the better I should get! I can't tell you how many ideas I have written down only to not pursue them at all. Oh, they're still bouncing around in there, but either time or fear has been getting in the way. So from this point on, I am going to make a better effort to honor the ideas that God puts into my brain. The first few might come out stinking worse than my cat's kitty litter, but no one picks up a bike and then signs up for Tour de France. Which brings me to my second resolution.

2. Dare to Suck

When we start something new, we never hope to be really bad at it. In fact, I think we all kind of invasion ourselves in glowing lights, with hopes of not only mastering the new thing we are taking on, but we imagine ourselves as being better than all the rest! As if this new thing that we are going to try is going to be the best thing that we have ever done. Our lives will literally come together and people will pay large sums of money for us to do whatever it is that we are hoping to learn to do. But it never quite works out that way, does it? At least not at first. 

When we first start on any new thing, we are going to probably suck at it. Our New Years visions for our Januarys and Februarys seldom shape up as we had hoped. We cheers to the new year, soon it's Valentines day, and we still aren't pro's at what we started. We will have many dumb questions, and we will have to try many times before even getting to a point of satisfaction. But if you look at the task ahead of you, and failure is all you're able to see, then you might never start. Not starting because you know you'll be out of the gate with blunder after blunder is a monumental shame. Take a moment, and if you have not made any goals at all this year (or for a while, to be honest) just make this one with me. Have the courage to get out there and not be that great for a while. I promise you'll thank me later.

3. Read More

Reading is amazing. And if I want to accomplish my fist goal, I will need to implement goal number three. I love to read, actually. A lot. If I could somehow split myself mitosis-style into three or four people, one of myselves would spend her whole life just reading. That's it, just consuming book after book. Devouring story after story forever. But as someone with a full-time job, and no ability of mitosis, I have to make a real effort to have time for anything. 

So this year, I want to commit to reading more. No more excuses. And I don't even have to go buy books! I have multiple books that I have been meaning to read! I get given great books, and neglect them. Then I see another, and for some reason buy that too! Why? Because-BUY ALL THE BOOKS! So this year I am committing. Not to some crazy 50 books a year challenge (that's almost a book a week, folks!), but something manageable, like two to three chapters of something-anything!-a day. I can do that. Anyone can do that. But when you're starting from ground zero, doable is good. Which reminds me-

4. Let Yourself Off the Hook

Personally, this goal has been needing to be said for a long time. I am an odd combination of being ambitious and a procrastinator. I will get completely excited about something, and then get afraid of failure and procrastinate the project right into the dust. THEN (nope, this train wreck isn't done yet) I feel bad about putting off my project for so long, and feel as if even when I do want to continue, that I can't because of my horrible blunder of neglecting the task. That, my friends is a vicious cycle that feeds itself and feeds itself. And sometimes (yep-still going), in light of the trouble that I often have completing my goals, I feel the need to overdo it and never mess up. This leads to all around self loathing, and even bigger and harder falls when I do mess up. 

So really, I need to lay off a little bit and allow room for failure. If I were to try and read 50 books in 2015, I would leave myself only two weeks off for the whole year! That is an unhealthy margin for mistake, at least for me. I need to set more realistic goals. But even then, when I DO fall behind-and I can tell you right now, I will-I need to realize a few things. 1. It's okay. This is not the worst thing that could happen. 2. You are not a lesser you because you have not met all of your expectations. That does not define you. 3. There is absolutely no good reason to let that keep you from continuing on. You might not finish where you thought you would. But the ability to look back, and say you've finished will be so much sweeter than you think it will be. Keep going. Just keep going.

5. Take Lots of Pictures

My family (parent's, husband's mom and stepdad, and my husband) bought me a camera for Christmas. I am pretty much forever indebted to them because of their amazing generosity. I have wanted to pursue photography for a while now. I grew up looking through the articles in the National Geographic, and I developed a taste for the art of capturing moments in time in that way. And now that I have the means to start doing what I have always wanted to do, I have no excuses. I need to be taking pictures, and I need to be taking a lot of them.

6. Just Do You, Boo

One of my favorite YouTubers to watch says that. Her channel name is Shameless Maya. In the video that she put out talking about why she started her channel on youtube, she tells about how she had always wanted to. Starting a youtube channel is a great way to get yourself out there. But she had been afraid to put herself out there and do what she really wanted to do. Finally, she just decided to ignore her fear of what people around her might think and just do exactly what she had always wanted to do. That's where the name for her channel came from. She is unabashed about what she loves and the risks she takes. 

This goes hand in hand with my second goal, but it needs to be said. If we would all just let go of our fear of what other people will think when we really pursue our dreams, then they might actually come true. Ignore anyone around you that you're afraid will look down on you because you're trying something new. Gather up your courage, because there is no better time then now. If you wait until you're in a spot that is devoid of "haters" then you will never begin. Now is as good a time as any. In the words of Shameless Maya, "Just do you, Boo".

7. Finish Projects

I have many projects that I have started, that have fallen to the wayside. Why? I really don't have any good reasons. Maybe I was afraid of messing up, or I didn't have all of the right materials, but there is no reason why I should have a half finished painting sitting sadly in the guest room. Pick it back up, Candace. Address whatever disappointment you may have in yourself and then get over it. We are going to finish things this year. Not pick up new things and make a new pile of halfway done things.

8. Take Care of My Body

I only get one, so can someone tell me again why my diet still consists of microwavable taquitos?! Taking care of your body is not a beginning of the year fad. It is very Biblical! I'm not saying that I am going to swear off of everything that is bad for you. And I'm sorry, but the vegetarian/vegan life is not for me. But I do want to start implementing all of the healthy recipes on my Pinterest that I never seem to cook. Honestly, if I was half of the woman my Pinterest makes it seem like I am, I would not be making this list!

9. Pray More

There is not a major rhyme or reason to the order of this list. I really just wrote it in the order that they came to my mind. I mention that, because this could possibly be the most important thing that I do this year. I pray a woefully sad amount of time each day. Yes, I pray a lot when I am driving, but it's mostly for the general safety of Lubbock. There are many things that God has given me a bigger image in my mind for, and I need to start praying. I have the ability to come boldly to the throne. I have no idea why I have not, but starting 2015, I am going to actually be specific and spend real time going to bat in prayer.

10. Stop Limiting God

For Christmas, my mother gave all of us kids in the immediate family a book by Andrew Womack titled "Don't Limit God". My husband and I have decided to go through it together. I'll save an in-depth update for another blog post, but we have already seen God breaking through because of our renewed faith in anything and everything that God has for us. God is amazing and massive. He has great things for every one of us! This year, Teagan and I have decided to be obedient to stop believing for the status quo (and even bare minimum sometimes), and in turn stop limiting all that God desires for our lives. Do yourself a favor; get into the Word and build up your faith. And if you would like some guidance while you go along, definitely see what God has to say through Andrew Womack's book. Just a friendly recommendation that could change your life!

I realize that all of my goals were fairly general. So here is a quantifiable, checkable list of exactly what I am shooting for. I will check in at the beginning of every month even if that is the only blog that I do that month to honestly say how well or badly I am doing. So here it is. What I would like my two thousand and fifteen to really look like.

1. Two blog post's a week. I think that should be more than manageable. I also want to write at least six short stories this year. That's a half of a story per month. There is no set length, so I can go as long or short as I want. 

3. Three chapters a day. And it must be one book at a time. Not counting the Bible, of course.

5. Expect three pictures per month. Yep- three. That feels scary, but if it matters to me, I can take at least three pictures that I like enough to post each month. I owe it to myself to not chicken out of this one, so there it is. Three a month. Done.

8. I really like to do stretches on my yoga mat in the morning, and I use to make at lest fifteen minutes of time for it every day. I'm going to go back to that. A few minutes of yoga every day. That's final. Any person is capable of that. No chickening out, Candace! No chickening out! Also in the realm of taking care of my temple, I am committing to fifteen minutes of cardio at least five days a week. This is not hard to find time for. It's just the execution that I have problems with. Again. No chickening out, Candace.

9. I am committing to at least fifteen minutes of solid prayer time. It's as simple as that.

The numbers that I left out are the goals that I made that are not easily quantifiable. I will still touch base each month on all ten goals, but there isn't really a great way to be more specific about 2, 4, 6, 7, and 10. But they are goals that are worth mentioning none the less.

All of this-every part of it, is possible through God. I am the head and not the tail, and so are you. If there are things in your life that you find yourself wishing were different, maybe this could be a great opportunity for you. Set aside some time by yourself, and be honest. What is not a reality in your life that you desire, or feel that God wants for you? Make a list, or record yourself speaking your goals out loud. But whatever you do, give yourself the best chance to see your life take on a new shape. 

As we rocket into the  new year, let us take the opportunity to build our faith in God. Take the step of faith, and I promise you, God will be with you the entire way. Dream bigger than you have ever imagined. Think thoughts that the your acceptance of the average has not let you think before. God can out-dream the most optimistic of dreamers. It's about time we started approaching life as if that were truth, and not fairy tale.

The Twelve Days of Lovemas| Day 12 Never Fails

Happy New Year, everyone! This is it. The twelfth day of Lovemas. And looking back, the journey was not easy. While going through 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, there were many times that I personally discovered exactly how little of the time that I show the people around me Biblical love. It does not always come natural, and it frequently takes a large amount of self control. Just to recap, here is the entire passage of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8:

"4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away."

On the twelfth day of Lovemas, we receive the last and possibly most wonderful bit of information about love. It never fails. True, holy, God-love cannot fail. Through God's love, we are victorious. That is not to say that during our walk through life, there will not be failures. Yes, it would probably be a great idea to keep on studying for all of your tests. But wherever we are, whatever circumstances we are in, we will have God and his glorious love to abide and walk in.

And just in case the message of Biblical love has not been clear, let me just say it plainly; love is not weak. One might look at 1 Corinthians and put it in the same category as childhood dreams, but to love is not an inferior stance to take. Love, in fact, never fails. It is strong, it conquers the iciest, hardest of hearts. Love takes strength, and much much more than does hate, self-centeredness, or rude behavior. So lets all agree to do our best to let go of the religious stance that thinks we were meant to walk in stoic judgement of the rest of the world. That is weakness. That is sad, and is a massive waste our redeemed lives. Jesus didn't set us free in order to litter the face of the earth with cruel-hearted boycotters.

Galations 5:13-15 says, "13 You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh[a]; rather, serve one another humbly in love. 14 For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”[b] 15 If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other."

When I was not yet even ten, my brother and I would ride the bus to school together. On that bus happened to be another brother and sister duo. I don't quite recall what exactly they did, but they must have acted out in some way, because I considered them to be troublesome. So much so, that in my little girl mind, it was obvious that they needed Jesus. In my general annoyance of their rambunctious behavior, I decided one day that I needed to take my Precious Moment's Bible on that bus and minister/force them to accept Jesus. I really was not thinking about them, I was just ready for them to stop being so annoying. 

So one day, on the bus ride, I sat with them and rather abruptly explained Jesus to them and led them in a small prayer. I distinctly remember being stern, quick, and not at all compassionate. Maybe God used my rather selfish intentions for good. We may never know. But looking back, my tenacity was not for the salvation of their souls, but rather to cut down on what I considered to be a fixable problem. 

We can't lie to ourselves anymore. Love is key. If we are walking outside of love, we are like a noisy gong; pointless and annoying. And the only fruit we bear is dry, tough, and useless. The more we try and force our "goodness" onto other people for our own personal gain, the more people are going to be turned away from their only hope! 1 John 4:8 puts it plainly, "8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love."

The world needs Jesus. We all know that. Talk to any person, Christian or not, and they know things are not alright. But love is how the Holy Spirit operates. We squelch the power of the Holy Spirit in us when we choose to be offended and deal with others harshly. When we go in trying to satisfy our own need to let someone know that their wrong, or eliminate beliefs that we don't agree with, we may succeed in our own selfish goals, but what God want's will fall by the wayside.

 Love is our only hope. Love is their only hope. And the most amazing thing about love is that it ties all of the laws together and fulfills them. The heartbeat of the Bible, the heartbeat of God was never to condemn and destroy. He wishes for us all to accept Jesus and be reconciled to him. There are no exceptions; Jesus died for us all. So let us lean into God and let him revolutionize our hearts with love. This year, lets kick it off and be daring enough to love. For God is love, and glory to God, because love never fails.

The Twelve Days of Lovemas| Day 11 Hopes & Endures

This is the eleventh day of Lovemas, the next to the last day of the twelve. It has consequently fallen on the Eve of the New Year. Looking back, I personally have an abundance to be thankful for. I live a very blessed and set apart life. But as with any person on this planet, I also have my fair share of experiences that I would not choose to relive. But I can look back from the other side and say with confidence that I indeed was not swallowed up by the various troubles 2014 brought me. That survival could not have existed, though, without a few key things in my life: my family, my husband, GOD, and his love that fills me with strength.

We are to the tail end of verse seven, “love hopes all things, and endures all things”. You see, the thing about love is that it’s empowering. When we are energized by God’s perfecting love, we can survive. Because we are rooted in God, we have the ability to face largely hopeless situations with real, tangible hope. Those around us will witness our daily battles, yes. They will see us struggle to stay in line with God, to keep our households afloat, and anything else that comes across our paths. But they will also be able to see our tenacity to keep on hoping. And the hope that comes from God alone produces endurance.

Circumstances that would have driven the best man to drinking do not have to overcome those of us that cling to Christ, because his love strengthens us to the point of surpassing all worldly explanation. Women and men who do not know Christ will look on with awe as we face the worst situations a person can go through with divine hope and inexplicable endurance. The forced question will be, “how?!” And the answer of answers will be, “Because he loves me, and he died for me”.

So when facing the new year of 2015, yes, I will be making my fair share of yearly goals. And regardless of my past failures, I can continue to do this. I am filled with a supernatural hope, and my zeal to live for God will not be dampened by how badly I have messed up before (and I have woefully failed many times). But in addition to striving to achieve various goals that would shoot me closer to the person God designed me to be, I will not be asking for God to make 2015 a paradise free of hardships.

To have a year free of any struggles would be ideal. So I am not saying that I will be requesting an extra dose of trouble. But Romans 5:3 says that because of our sufferings, we rejoice. For the suffering produces endurance. So there is a refinement that happens when we exercise our spiritual muscles in the face of being in a tough position. This type of fine-tuning polishes us like gold, and we shine in a way that cannot be ignored.

During our 80-100 year span on Earth, because of the broken nature of this world, things that we don’t want to happen will. God’s plans for us are good. He does not strike us with sickness or hardships in order for himself to be glorified. But when we encounter adversity, we will be able to make it through by leaning into God for strength. As we dive deeper into relationship with our Father-Creator, we will discover even more hope and be able to endure all. What the adversaries meant for bad, God will redeem to bring glory. And just as they thought they had won after killing the Christmas baby, so shall we too shall rise from situations of despair. The love that was coursing through Jesus as he said yes to leaving his throne is the same love that can manifest in us when we submit to God. And it is a powerful love that hopes and endures all.

The Twelve Days of Lovemas| Day 10 Protects & Trusts

Why hello there again! I made quite merry this Christmas and decided to take some time off. Quite disappointingly, I think this December themed knock of holiday will run into the next year. But given the choice between cracking down on my writing and being able to visit with family, I would have to choose visiting with family. Usually what happens when Christmas rolls around, my family goes into game-mode. We bust out all of our favorite games (Dixit and Balderdash), and this year we even ventured to learn some new ones (Flux and Munchkin). There was much fun to be had and food to be eaten. Time with my family soon turns into cherished memories of loving encounters. So I hope you'll excuse me for choosing a few days of family time over time crunching for my blog.

I do however want to finally get back down to business. So our day of Lovemas, this ugly, icy evening, is centered around the first half of 1 Corinthians 13:7. Love always protects, always trusts. Other versions (I usually gear towards the ESV) say “love bears all things, love believes all things”. To be honest, I like the “bears all things” translation a little better. Love that endures all things is what most people want when they go to sites like EHarmony or watch the latest romantic comedy. We all know the depth of our own failures and the frequency of our personal breakdowns, so we know that in reality, we need a love that will bear all of our various human failures. That is found in God first and foremost. But with God as our source, there is no reason why we can't also bring him glory by exercising a love that bears all things.

The advantage of walking in a love that bears all things is that your relationships will be a free place for mess-ups to happen without condemnation. To place unrealistic expectations on your relationships to live up to the perfection of fairy tales (Nicholas Sparks, I am looking at you) is to set them up for failure. We all need love because it gives us the opportunity to try, fail, and try again.

This is not to say that you still place someone that constantly betrays your trusts in an important place of trust again and again. Neither does it say that toxic relationships are important to keep maintained. We can see this clearly in the way that Joseph was planning to deal with what he had supposed to be infidelity in his and Mary's betrothal.

When Joseph found out that Mary was pregnant, "because he was a just man and unwilling to put her to shame" he had resolved to divorce her quietly. There was no quiet divorce, though. God had something else up his sleeve. But I imagine that if Joseph had been betrothed to a woman that actually had stepped out on him, he would have resolved to do the same. That is major integrity. That is also a massive step of love. If Mary had actually gotten pregnant by sleeping with another man, that would have been hugely embarrassing to Joseph! The fact that he decided to quietly do away with the issue speaks highly of his love that bears all thing as well as protects.

So if love does not always maintain bad relationships, why does it say that love always trusts? On first glance, that sounds quite foolish. There are people in this world that will do more than enough to loose our trust, and it is not wise to go back to them blindly. So this is one of the verses in the bible where it is in our best benefit to do some additional research, look at the context clues and put the puzzle pieces together. 

 The word used for trusts or believes is pisteuo. It means to believe or trust. So there is a major element of vulnerability by saying that we are going to love to the extent of believing all things. You will probably encounter many who will attempt to use you. I personally have experienced the situation of trusting someone and then realizing that they in fact were a person that I needed to rapidly distance myself from. The experience was not pleasant, tears were shed, and I was widely disappointed with the notion of church for a small period. But I do not wish that I had been more cynical in order to protect myself. 

We are going to face trials and tribulation in this time. We will even face some simply for the fact that we follow Christ. Much of that, I'm sure will be solely because we are operating in love while the world has a different system. We go against the grain much like riding a bike down a road meant for trains. At times, it might bumpy and unforgiving, but in the end, it is better to love than to close off your heart for fears sake. Walling away your heart may feel safe, and in fact it may be. But our point of thriving is not in the safe and closed off areas. We were all made to dive into the hot, bright, arid areas of vulnerability. God is standing in the desert, beaconing us to the scary realms of the unknown. When we are obedient to bear all and trust all, the living waters that flow from us are unstoppable.

The Twelve Days of Lovemas| Day 9 Delight in Evil

I think the Ninth day of Lovemas has beaten me. Our verse is 1 Corinthian’s 13: 6 which says, “Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with truth”. The verse has two parts, what love does and what love does not. At first it seems like it should be blatantly obvious. Of course, I don’t rejoice at evil, and only delight in truth. But then I ask myself some questions with a mind to be honest with myself and God. What types of things fill me with rejoicing? What makes me smile or laugh? In a society that gets by on humor and jollies, there is a lot that has the potential to make us glad. But of the multitude of things that one might say makes them express joy, not all are created equal. And, frankly, the thought of having to possibly give up some of the things that I enjoy to watch and laugh at is a nothing short of terrifying.

Often, the world runs in such a way that constantly puts others down in order to pull itself up. It’s logic is one of protecting itself at all costs. I’ll make a joke about you before you make one about me. Are the things that we spend time enjoying following that path? Sarcasm and poking fun can come across as quite benign. I don’t think I have ever been in a group of people without it. But upon further honest inspection of that way of interacting with our fellow humans, we will see that the root from which it stems from is caustic and belittling. If we are sincere with ourselves, we will see that to put someone down, or to deal with them harshly just does not line up with love.

In the fourth chapter of Phillipians, in verse eight, Paul instructs us even further, saying "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." This is a great litmus test with which to gage the things we are choosing to delight in. Anything that lines up with this verse can be considered as truth and worthy of our headspace.

In theory, as people who love and know God, our days and minds should be filled to the brim with all sorts of these things. Hopefully, unlike the rest of society, we are actively weeding through whatever thoughts or stimulants our day presents to us to find whatever is worthy of the time God has given us. We can choose not to meditate on or delight in certain things. With the power of the Holy Spirit paired with our willingness to take the narrower road, this is possible.

The urgency to become avid rejoicers of the truth is this: we are the living version of Christ that people see. We can claim that Jesus is the reason for the season left and right, but ultimately it will be what we are rooting for that draws people's attention. Those around us will pick up on a heart that is far from God faster than we will. So let us be choosy about what we delight in, becoming fierce lovers of the righteousness. As we are changed by a savior who gave up his throne to come be with us on Earth, so shall the seed be planted in the hearts of those who witness our celebration of the truth.

The Twelve Days of Lovemas| Day 8 Record of Wrongs

The Bokeh of Christmas by Kristina Servant CCed by

As we continue on our trek of love meditation, it occurs to me that a refresher might be in store. The days of Lovemas can run together very easily because of the sheer nature of writing that seeks to study, devour and digest. I hope, rather than to bore you with more tedious dissection of verses, that I can keep the golden thread of hope and love that ties these posts together running strong. It is after all a series that rips it’s name straight from Christmas, so I think there should be a fair amount of cheer and rejoicing envolved!

The verse we have been going through is 1 Corinthans 13:4-8, “4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;[a] 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.”

My real and true goal of writing about this lofty subject has been number one, to hopefully act on what I believe to be God’s voice. Any fire or inspired writing that you might come across in my posts is all from him. I know that things will not always run perfectly, but my hope has always been to speak when God wants me to speak, and be silent when he desires my silence.

And secondly, the reason that I have been writing on this subject of love is to be part God’s movement to open our eyes to those around us. I long for a day when we as Christians are known by our love; love for one another, and love for those around us. It pains me to see that often, a combative stance is taken between us as Christians and others who don’t happen to believe as we do. I can’t even begin to describe my sheer disappointment as I hear pastor after pastor draw a cheap laugh from their congregation by making a fun of someone they disagree with. Our battle is not, nor has it ever been against the people around us, but that is another blog post. So rather than emphasize what we should carefully shy away from, I know that God desires to powerfully guide us to greater heights of living completely for him and loving those around us. And what better place to start that adventure than a Biblical depiction of love?

This eighth day of lovemas, on the 22nd of December (or Christmas Eve Eve Eve, as I like to call it), we have reached the tail end of verse five, “love is not resentful”. The Greek reads, “love keeps no record of wrongs”. If you’re anything like me, this verse fills you some very mixed emotions. At first I get goose bumps as I realize that this particular phrase points directly to God. I know that I am getting to know him more when I read the phrase, “love keeps no record of wrongs” because that is God’s very nature. He is generous with his mercy and forgiveness. We never have to worry because of past mistakes, because God first loved us. And he also first counted our sins no more.

But I also try to put on the verse, and apply it to my own life, and it doesn’t seem to fit. With God, all all all things are possible, but to keep no record of wrong seems to be a mountain of a task.

I must point out that it doesn’t say that love forgets everything that has ever happened. It says that love keeps no record of what has been done to them. Paul is not trying to imply that when we come to Christ, we get some sort of case of amnesia. He is saying that love does not take the things people have done and let a seed of bitterness be planted. Rather than imagining a life where Christians are all incredibly forgetful, I picture a bitter old woman hunched in her rocking chair with a notebook full of entries. This blue, ragged spiral has been with her for some time, now. She angrily reads through the book cover to cover as she has since she was a young woman. Her teeth grind, and her fingers grasp at the tattered pages. She quietly thumbs through the handwritten tale of woes. Her life is full of turmoil, and her love is squelched. The neighborhood children avoid her yard at all costs.

While I hope that this story is not real, I do know that those are the sad and eventual consequences of keeping a record of wrongs. Bitterly holding onto things that have been done to us closes off the heart, and eventually a sort of leprosy sets in. We are no longer able to feel compassion for those around us. Our heart becomes hard, cold, and dead.

This resentful feeling is what Paul was talking about in 1 Corinthians 13:5. His warning against offense is simple, but the harm it causes is massive and should be avoided at all costs. Not only does bitterness hurt our testimony because it drains us of our love, but it is incredibly damaging to our own souls. The carnage that comes from habitual resentment is most strongly felt by the person holding onto their forgiveness. While this action of holding onto what others have done to us is bad because it keeps us from loving them, it is decidedly worse for the one who is denying the forgiveness. The storm that is weathered is of their own choice. It hurts, it is isolated, and it can rob you of years you might never get back.

God never intended for us to lose ourselves in a battle to hold onto the past. He sent his son, and with that tiny baby came hope and joy that surpasses all understanding. When we say yes to Christ and his way of living and forgiving, we shine like the star that shone the first Christmas in Bethlehem. Cheesy as it might sound, we are the modern day stars leading others to Christ. They are looking and searching for something different, something brighter than what the world offers them. When God softens our hard hearts and we stop keeping a record of wrongs, the lost notice and flock to see the manger king.

The Twelve Days of Lovemas| Day 7 Easily Angered

Let me just start the Seventh Day of Lovemas by saying that I think I might be the chief of sinners when it comes to this aspect of love. I find that this is one of the most difficult areas in my life to stay obedient to God. Are you ready for it? Okay, here it is: love is not easily angered. Let me just be the first to inwardly sigh. Did you guys sigh too? Okay, good. I'm glad that I am in good company.

Here we go, "love is not easily angered". Are you kidding me Paul? Oh wait, I just thought of something. This doesn't apply to us. Yah,'cause you see, it can't! Paul lived in an age befor cars and rush hour. If he had written the letter to the church in Corinth in this day and age, he would have never put that in there!

And don't even get me started on computers! If Paul had had to deal with slow internet connections, he wouldn't have dreamed of asking us to not get easily angered! Not a chance. It would have said, love holds back angry words, or love does not give in to road rage. But that's not what it says.

God knew the frustrations that we would face in our day to day. He could see from that moment in time to here and back, and still that part of the verse is in there. And this wasn't written from a cushy sheltered Christian standpoint either. Paul faced wrongful imprisonment, and even physical beatings. If anyone had a cause to be angry, it was the author of the verse. But yet it still says, "love is not easily angered".

So how does one assuage the tempest we face every day? It seems sometimes that there is just unending stream of idiots coming across my path, honestly. I mean really, there is practically an endless list of things that tip me over the edge. Which leads me to believe that, when trying to line up our hearts with this seemingly unobtainable holy love, the first step is to find the root of the anger rather than trying to just hold our breath and wish away our feelings.

So let's take a real look at this odd emotion. We never desire the catalysts-traffic jams, nosey neighbors, false rumors. No one goes out of the house saying, "I really hope I am chewed out by a customer today!" But we seem incredibly quick to turn on that faucet of rage, even spewing profanities and declaring people to be anything but worthy of humanity. Why is that? Well I can say that for myself, anger can be a lot like a drug. One can get dunk off of angrily gossiping about someone who has wronged them. I'll even find myself sometimes imagining fights that have never happened with people in my head! It's as if I enjoy the feeling. That's because I think we do.

Often, the root of our anger is insecurity. We are desperately fighting to not be forgotten or stepped on, or treated as less than. This self doubt causes us to live in a constant combative mode, and ultimately, we become very angry people. We read into situations, assuming that we are being put down, when really people are just going about their day. The reality of situations is lost, and our default setting becomes being thin skinned. 

Think of it this way. Why do we sometimes get mad about someone passing us on the road? Are we really mad that they are driving in that lane, or is it because we are thinking of it in terms of how they are viewing us? In reality, the driver is just going about their day. They aren't making a statement about how fast or slow we are going, they could probably care less about us personally. But we take it as a belligerent message about our shortcomings. It's not about them. It's about us. Our self doubt has tricked us into believing that we are being insulted, and our toxic response is anger. When you're in the moment, their insolence feels very real. But after we have calmed down it's usually clear how foolish the whole thing was.

Everyone deals with self esteem. Some have a better handle on it than others, but the real way to feel better about yourself is not to go on a diet or pick up a new hobby. God must be our source, and he has some pretty great things to say about us! Dont forget that no mater what people at work, on the road, or in your home think about you, God loves you and thinks you're incredibly special. According to him, we ARE good enough. God is the only constant that we can depend on. If we wish to live more confident lives, it won't come in a pill. It will come when we lean into the lovingkindness of our Father.

Another root that will have us on the fast track to anger is unforgiveness. There will be people in our lives that act very inconsiderately towards us. We will be counted out, pushed down, and made to feel like we are not enough. It is wrong for them to do that, any way you slice it. It is not okay. But when we decide to keep our forgiveness locked up, we open ourselves up to a life devoid of peace and consumed by anger. Holding on to forgiveness is like dangerously spewing gasoline on our blazing fire of anger. It crushes our capacity to love and eventually, it's slimy fingers reach into every part of our life.

Forgiving someone who was dead wrong is no walk in the park, though. I don't wish to minimize the difficulty that faces someone that decides it is time to let go of anger. It takes a lot of prayer, and leaning into God. The journey to forgiveness is a daily battle. We must continually choose to not pick back up the intoxicating emotion of holding a grudge. And ultimately, we have to place our trust and our heart into the hands of the Healer, and let him do his work.

The last of the possible roots for love consuming anger is fear. The first time that I heard it said that animals act aggressive when spooked, I thought that made no sense. As a young girl, as I knew it, when I was afraid, I acted timid, not aggressive. But as I have grown older, it has become much clearer to me. Sometimes when we are afraid, we tense up and lash out. We fight the urge to give in to timidly being terrified and vulnerable, throw up our defenses, and act out against those around us. The anger is not because of them, but because of the fear we harbor inside.

The only fix for that, again, is God. Fear is crippling. It can cause is not to step out in faith, and it can crush our ability to love. But God's perfect love cast's out fear. When we ask him, he is faithful and powerful to help us walk in peace.

Anger, in most of it's forms affirms our fears and need for justice. It tells us that we're right and to hold our ground against our brother. As humans, we are going to wrong each other. We are going to wrong each other again and again. But the sooner that we are real with ourselves about where this anger is coming from, the sooner that we can allow God's love to pour out rather than fear, insecurity and unforgiveness. 

Now you will notice that it says that love is not easily angered. It doesn't say that love never gets angry. Anger is not a sin. Even Jesus was angry, but he never sinned. So Paul is trying to urge us to have a longer fuse; to be gracious and loving with each other. We must connect with God on a daily basis to learn to walk through lives less irritably. Anger is a massively difficult emotion to navigate, but by leaning into God for help and guidance, we can grow not in anger but in love.